I had an uncharacteristically good week. Not that my weeks usually suck, but I typically end the week with wanting nothing more than to be left alone.
This sugar high I've been on helped me get through the mad storm of extra-curricular activities (AIDS day, tutoring, a radio interview, office hours and TWO English corners). And it allowed me to play the American: to be stereotypically outgoing and shameless.
Perhaps I am guiltily trying to overcompensate for not looking like an American, but I also have enough of the narcissist in me that actually enjoys the attention. Don't get me wrong, I most certainly wouldn't enjoy this kind of attention in America... but in a land where I am anonymous, it is nice to be recognized as American. Or at least as different.
I wonder why I'm finding it important to be treated as important? Does my self-identity really depend so much on how others identify me?
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2 comments:
Performativity!
Do you think you're measuring up against your own conceptions of what it means to be an American or the conceptions of everyone else?
Haha..
The duty of a Peace Corps Volunteer: Perform the American!
I think I'm trying to measure up to their conceptions of what it means to be American simply because it's expected of me. I want to shatter the myth, and I hate the idea of merely filling some pre-determined role, but I don't want to be a disappointment to them. WHY??? Because they will look at me in a way that will make me feel... guilty. If I were less vain I'm sure I'd be less eager to please. =P
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