private violence in the public eye

As we do our best to assert private violence as a public concern, perhaps we must remember that such gross public exploitation of private affairs may intimidate even the boldest among us into keeping silent.

Following the whole Chris Brown-battering spectacle, I had so many questions for Rihanna. Why would someone with fame and wealth on her side go crawling back to her batterer? She had options. Like many others, I accused her of being stupid and weak. And I was disappointed in her for failing to be an example of strength for young women who are not fortunate enough to live such privileged lives.

But I had forgotten about the power of shame. Enough of it can paralyze us and make us want to hide within the often unsafe privacy of intimacy. For some of us who do have options - isn't that why we remain in violent relationships? Yet is a battered body really better than battered pride? But regardless of the choices we do or do not have, perhaps we should really look into the shame/pride dichotomy and think about how and why this duo has amassed such power.

Rihanna speaks: 'Love is so blind':

CNN http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/04/rihanna.good.morning.america/index.html

"There are a lot of women who experienced what I did, but not in the public, so [that] made it really difficult," she said. "I just thought 'Oh my God,' here goes my little bit of privacy. Nobody wants anybody to know, and here I am, the whole world knowing."

That photo, allegedly distributed by two Los Angeles Police Department officers, made a bad situation worse, she told Glamour magazine.

"It was humiliating; that is not a photo you would show to anybody," the songstress said. "I felt completely taken advantage of. I felt like people were making it into a fun topic on the Internet, and it's my life. I was disappointed, especially when I found out the photo was [supposedly leaked by] two women."

Rihanna told "Good Morning America" that Brown was definitely her first love, but that the more in love they became, the more dangerous the relationship turned. It was a reality she was too embarrassed too admit.

"I didn't want people to think that I fell in love with that person," she said. "That's embarrassing that that's the type of person I fell so far in love with, so unconditionally, that I went back."

People put her on a pedestal "with all these expectations," she said, "but I'm a human being, and I'm not perfect." Now, she can admit it was a mistake to give the relationship a second chance.

Nearly 10 months have passed since her secret came tumbling out for the world to see, and Rihanna said it was her fans who helped her finally speak up about domestic violence.