有两件好拘束的事：
1） 我最近不想和你在一起。。我们在一起的时候，你让我感觉不高兴。要是我先高兴，然后听你的话 ，我就成为郁闷。不知道为什么。 以前好像我们的关系最好的，但现在我们没有太多话。我门的看法不同。我很喜欢这个生活，没注意不好的东西。不过我们说话的时候，我们只说脏话。 为什么我也说这样？我和你在一起的时候，我不知道怎么做，不会说真的，不会做诚实的。好拘束哦。
2）我和最师的理发师的关系也很拘束。上个月我和他常常聊天，开玩笑了。每次我去理发店到了，他给我按摩，说讨情的话。可我和其他的理发师们刚才成为好朋友了。 我和他们去打羽毛球，互相帮助学习语言。所以我有空的时，我去那个理发店玩玩。但现在呢，我到那的时，他非常严肃，非常沉默。为什么？？？ 他有什么问题？？？ 我有什么问题？？？ 也好拘束哦！！
说不定，我还没学好中国年轻的文化哦！
Showing posts with label FML. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FML. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
huo mai le (buried alive)
The HSK will be the end of me.
I500 MORE words to learn before November.
I thought I knew a lot more than I actually do, but after an assessment I realized that the characters I do know just pop up frequently. Bastard.
All this anticipated effort makes me wonder how much I'd really like to stay an additional year to study. Am I just afraid of going back? Already I dread Skype conferences because nobody understands me. I guess I didn't realize that the PC was going to make me a permanent misfit on both sides of the dateline.
But on the other hand, I'd like to stay because I'm determined to fit here. This is home now. Buried alive.
I500 MORE words to learn before November.
I thought I knew a lot more than I actually do, but after an assessment I realized that the characters I do know just pop up frequently. Bastard.
All this anticipated effort makes me wonder how much I'd really like to stay an additional year to study. Am I just afraid of going back? Already I dread Skype conferences because nobody understands me. I guess I didn't realize that the PC was going to make me a permanent misfit on both sides of the dateline.
But on the other hand, I'd like to stay because I'm determined to fit here. This is home now. Buried alive.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
plagiarism
Got English Cornered tonight. Holy moly, I really wish I could spend all of tomorrow in silence. But tomorrow's office hours is an indoor version of English Corner. Holy moly.
I am a not a monkey. I am not a monkey.
But I definitely am a fool.
I felt a kind of maternal pride after reading the first batch of midterm essays. Even in light of small grammatical errors, some of my students write beautifully and often surprise me with their prolific, poetic prose. But then I began to find essays containing the same beautiful lines.
Yeah, I was pissed. And yet, how could they cheat, much less plagiarize, on the essay section of an in-class exam?
I did some detective work and found out that nearly all of my students have been quoting or paraphrasing Mao's Little Red Book. Sure, some credit the man, but most don't bother, probably because his words come to them more naturally than their own - probably because their words are his words.
At the beginning of the semester, I swore to give them F's if I ever caught them plagiarizing.
But I've never been good at keeping promises, and this seems like a good one to break, though it certainly gives me no joy. After all, plagiarizing Mao is probably the safest thing a student could do here.
I am a not a monkey. I am not a monkey.
But I definitely am a fool.
I felt a kind of maternal pride after reading the first batch of midterm essays. Even in light of small grammatical errors, some of my students write beautifully and often surprise me with their prolific, poetic prose. But then I began to find essays containing the same beautiful lines.
Yeah, I was pissed. And yet, how could they cheat, much less plagiarize, on the essay section of an in-class exam?
I did some detective work and found out that nearly all of my students have been quoting or paraphrasing Mao's Little Red Book. Sure, some credit the man, but most don't bother, probably because his words come to them more naturally than their own - probably because their words are his words.
At the beginning of the semester, I swore to give them F's if I ever caught them plagiarizing.
But I've never been good at keeping promises, and this seems like a good one to break, though it certainly gives me no joy. After all, plagiarizing Mao is probably the safest thing a student could do here.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
apathetic to apathy
I saw THREE kids sleeping in one of my Oral English classes today.
I almost went ballistic.
It took all the nerve I had not to drag each one out of the room by the ear.
I calmed down, though, because it's always the same three who contaminate the classroom with their apathy. I already sing and dance, what else do they want?? A nap, they want a nap. They probably want me to stop all my edutainment stunts so they can nap more peacefully.
The sad thing is that, as the weeks go by, I feel myself becoming more apathetic toward their apathy. I use to yell, my eyes used to twitch and bulge, and I would show them the big zeros I was writing for them in my grade book. Now, I do my best to ignore them, knowing that while an explosion of anger will certainly ruin their dreams, it will also ruin the rest of my day.
Have I given up on them? Perhaps, but if they're not going to meet me half way, why should I jump through hoops for them? But am I expected to go out of my way for them? Is it my job? Basically, the dilemma is: to care or not to care.
I feel bad for kids like Jany. She sits in the front and stares at me with her big eyes, eager to absorb everything I dribble out. And what does she get? A grumpy teacher.
I try not to play favorites, but there is one class that outshines the rest. Just so happens it's immediately before my dreaded apathetic class.
Today in this golden class, I happened to take a peek at a student's script for their horror skit.
The line that caught my eye went something like this:
Mr. Yuan: "Oh fuck it! Holy shit, shit, it's a ghost!"
"Um, you can't say that in front of the class, okay?"
"Okay, Kacie. Are those words too informal?"
"Yes, well, sort of. I'll tell you about them later."
Lol, can't you see why I like them?
I almost went ballistic.
It took all the nerve I had not to drag each one out of the room by the ear.
I calmed down, though, because it's always the same three who contaminate the classroom with their apathy. I already sing and dance, what else do they want?? A nap, they want a nap. They probably want me to stop all my edutainment stunts so they can nap more peacefully.
The sad thing is that, as the weeks go by, I feel myself becoming more apathetic toward their apathy. I use to yell, my eyes used to twitch and bulge, and I would show them the big zeros I was writing for them in my grade book. Now, I do my best to ignore them, knowing that while an explosion of anger will certainly ruin their dreams, it will also ruin the rest of my day.
Have I given up on them? Perhaps, but if they're not going to meet me half way, why should I jump through hoops for them? But am I expected to go out of my way for them? Is it my job? Basically, the dilemma is: to care or not to care.
I feel bad for kids like Jany. She sits in the front and stares at me with her big eyes, eager to absorb everything I dribble out. And what does she get? A grumpy teacher.
I try not to play favorites, but there is one class that outshines the rest. Just so happens it's immediately before my dreaded apathetic class.
Today in this golden class, I happened to take a peek at a student's script for their horror skit.
The line that caught my eye went something like this:
Mr. Yuan: "Oh fuck it! Holy shit, shit, it's a ghost!"
"Um, you can't say that in front of the class, okay?"
"Okay, Kacie. Are those words too informal?"
"Yes, well, sort of. I'll tell you about them later."
Lol, can't you see why I like them?
Sunday, November 1, 2009
stratospheric stress
This is depressing:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/education/edlife/01public-t.html
Excerpts:
Universities have reached deep in their pockets to protect vulnerable students from tuition increases. Mark G. Yudof, president of the University of California, defends his university’s record in preserving financial aid, noting that families with incomes under $60,000 pay not one penny of their fees. “The real crunch,” he says, is helping families that make roughly $100,000. “The most at risk at this time really are going to be the middle class.”
Mr. Shulenburger sees the tuition increases as part of a larger movement toward privatization of the most desirable flagships. With state contributions largely flat or down over the last 15 years, and enrollments and costs up, many top flagships are turning to nonpublic sources for money and, in some cases, accepting larger numbers of out-of-state students, who often pay twice the tuition of residents.
At the same time, applications are pouring in from students shut out by the stratospheric cost of private colleges. That’s generally a good thing. Flagships are attracting more wealthy and better-prepared students. Yet as the counterargument goes, a flagship’s traditional mission is to educate its own, especially a state’s low- and middle-income students. The evolution under way is putting some flagships out of reach for the students who were typically enrolled even a decade ago. Each year, the quality of students as well as the budget model skews closer to that of elite private universities.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/education/edlife/01public-t.html
Excerpts:
Universities have reached deep in their pockets to protect vulnerable students from tuition increases. Mark G. Yudof, president of the University of California, defends his university’s record in preserving financial aid, noting that families with incomes under $60,000 pay not one penny of their fees. “The real crunch,” he says, is helping families that make roughly $100,000. “The most at risk at this time really are going to be the middle class.”
Mr. Shulenburger sees the tuition increases as part of a larger movement toward privatization of the most desirable flagships. With state contributions largely flat or down over the last 15 years, and enrollments and costs up, many top flagships are turning to nonpublic sources for money and, in some cases, accepting larger numbers of out-of-state students, who often pay twice the tuition of residents.
At the same time, applications are pouring in from students shut out by the stratospheric cost of private colleges. That’s generally a good thing. Flagships are attracting more wealthy and better-prepared students. Yet as the counterargument goes, a flagship’s traditional mission is to educate its own, especially a state’s low- and middle-income students. The evolution under way is putting some flagships out of reach for the students who were typically enrolled even a decade ago. Each year, the quality of students as well as the budget model skews closer to that of elite private universities.
All this makes me scared to go back to school. What has this got to do with UH? Well, "stratospheric costs" seem to be contagious. And depth trickles down faster than wealth. And I worry about affording school after UH.
Nobody better touch the Regents Scholarship. I think that might be the last hope for the middle class, local young'uns. As for prospective grad students: we're screwed.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
the hippie that never was
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/education/edlife/01rotc-t.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&hp
I had no idea that the student protests in the 60s resulted in the banning of ROTC at elite universities. WOW! Hehe, I think I am infatuated with the antiwar movement. Students, young people, changed things - they mattered. They made the Vietnam War look like the tragic joke it was, they coaxed the government into lowering the voting age, they set their draft cards on fire and ended up burning down the entire drafting system.
Okay, so I admit that I romanticize this era of peace rallies, but still, it saddens me that the antiwar sentiment is no longer as "cool" as it was 50 years ago. Sure, the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan is not very popular, but because people don't seem to care very much. This war is the kid in school who nobody notices. The Vietnam War, on the other hand, was unpopular because it pissed off - it moved - the public.
Why is our generation so damn apathetic? Are we that much more selfish than our parents were? Are we preoccupied by issues our parents never had?
I don't quite understand my antagonism toward ROTC, or with the military. Not just our military. Everytime I'd watch YZNU's freshmen doing their mandatory military drills, I'd get the chills. I just find synchronized marching creepy. The fact that all freshmen in this part of the country are disciplined in such an overt manner is frightening.
Also, now that the newly-winged Eric is an Air Force rock star, my feelings toward the military are even more nebulous. How can I admire him without acknowledging all of the grand opportunities the military has provided him with? The military makes possible life as he knows it.
You could chalk-up my antagonism to the military to my general suspicion of all sorts of powerful organizations/institutions/etc. And yet, look at me, a Peace Corps Volunteer, for heaven's sake. I work for the government, I help to author the fattest institution of them all. Often it feels like it's our job to do damage control, to make sure nationals in other countries don't hate us too much for the coups and wars we've supported, the labor and natural resources we've exploited, and the bombs we've dropped. So in many ways, my role as a "peace ambassador" supports the military - it mollifies the international antagonism toward American violence. And yet, there are ways to go beyond, and maybe even against, what is expected of me as a representative of the US - not that it is my mission to blemish America's name. It's really quite the opposite.
I had no idea that the student protests in the 60s resulted in the banning of ROTC at elite universities. WOW! Hehe, I think I am infatuated with the antiwar movement. Students, young people, changed things - they mattered. They made the Vietnam War look like the tragic joke it was, they coaxed the government into lowering the voting age, they set their draft cards on fire and ended up burning down the entire drafting system.
Okay, so I admit that I romanticize this era of peace rallies, but still, it saddens me that the antiwar sentiment is no longer as "cool" as it was 50 years ago. Sure, the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan is not very popular, but because people don't seem to care very much. This war is the kid in school who nobody notices. The Vietnam War, on the other hand, was unpopular because it pissed off - it moved - the public.
Why is our generation so damn apathetic? Are we that much more selfish than our parents were? Are we preoccupied by issues our parents never had?
I don't quite understand my antagonism toward ROTC, or with the military. Not just our military. Everytime I'd watch YZNU's freshmen doing their mandatory military drills, I'd get the chills. I just find synchronized marching creepy. The fact that all freshmen in this part of the country are disciplined in such an overt manner is frightening.
Also, now that the newly-winged Eric is an Air Force rock star, my feelings toward the military are even more nebulous. How can I admire him without acknowledging all of the grand opportunities the military has provided him with? The military makes possible life as he knows it.
You could chalk-up my antagonism to the military to my general suspicion of all sorts of powerful organizations/institutions/etc. And yet, look at me, a Peace Corps Volunteer, for heaven's sake. I work for the government, I help to author the fattest institution of them all. Often it feels like it's our job to do damage control, to make sure nationals in other countries don't hate us too much for the coups and wars we've supported, the labor and natural resources we've exploited, and the bombs we've dropped. So in many ways, my role as a "peace ambassador" supports the military - it mollifies the international antagonism toward American violence. And yet, there are ways to go beyond, and maybe even against, what is expected of me as a representative of the US - not that it is my mission to blemish America's name. It's really quite the opposite.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
cruel optimism
Time is unkind.
I just stumbled upon an old letter.
Funny how time fails to dull the sharpness of certain words. Just as I was beginning to consider a beginning without the author of such cruel words, I was taken in again, consumed by precisely that which makes his words so cruel: hope.
...you had your reasons for not responding and I value that so I drew the line and you became a friend. That doesn't mean that line cant ever be erased...
We were both victims of a wicked trick of time, yet I seem to be the only one who has yet to recover.
Aw boo, what could tempt me into opening old wounds? Nothing but the banal, conceited words of someone else. Words that are not his, words that have no meaning, words that have nothing at all to do with me. Perhaps this makes me banal and conceited. Regardless, I long to be caught in a whir of words that have everything to do with me - real words that do not merely make faint illusions to hope and promise.
*I realize that other than the title, this has nothing to do with Berlant. Well, Berlant, not everything has to be about you...
:P
I just stumbled upon an old letter.
Funny how time fails to dull the sharpness of certain words. Just as I was beginning to consider a beginning without the author of such cruel words, I was taken in again, consumed by precisely that which makes his words so cruel: hope.
...you had your reasons for not responding and I value that so I drew the line and you became a friend. That doesn't mean that line cant ever be erased...
We were both victims of a wicked trick of time, yet I seem to be the only one who has yet to recover.
Aw boo, what could tempt me into opening old wounds? Nothing but the banal, conceited words of someone else. Words that are not his, words that have no meaning, words that have nothing at all to do with me. Perhaps this makes me banal and conceited. Regardless, I long to be caught in a whir of words that have everything to do with me - real words that do not merely make faint illusions to hope and promise.
*I realize that other than the title, this has nothing to do with Berlant. Well, Berlant, not everything has to be about you...
:P
Sunday, October 25, 2009
turbo jam
Pollution plus a belly full of peppers makes running painful, which is a shame because I love running in this cool weather. But today I found Turbo Jam on tudou.com, the in-China solution for the forbidden YouTube. Gen was right, Chalene is crazy but her dancing and boxing combos are fun! So this evening, I blasted Turbo Jam, not caring if it disturbed the visiting American who is staying upstairs. I know that's quite rude of me, but the first thing she said to me was that she worked for Bush. harrharrharr
She's also the reason Rach and I have to attend a rice wine marathon tomorrow night.
She's also the reason Rach and I have to attend a rice wine marathon tomorrow night.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
the female complaint
Everyone knows what the female complaint is: women live for love, and love is a gift that keeps on taking.
- Lauren Berlant, The Female Complaint: The Unfinished Business of Sentimentality in American Culture
It does matter that I decided to stop giving.
It does matter that I will never live for him.
The bastard keeps taking.
And I keep complaining.
According to Berlant, the personal is general. If she is right, then you must understand.
It does matter that I decided to stop giving.
It does matter that I will never live for him.
The bastard keeps taking.
And I keep complaining.
According to Berlant, the personal is general. If she is right, then you must understand.
Friday, October 9, 2009
flu to me
ummmm.
The world looks funny from this side of the sea, ten hours ahead of a reality I am aware of only via Facebook (<3). But time and space are nothing when you are flying. ummmmm.
A day of Nabokov (or more specifically, of his famous perv Hummm) and already my imagination has flown, literally flown, in a government plane named KC135, across the vast Pacific. An old friend flying fast toward a fuzzy-eyed me. Of course, not TO me, but in my direction... to those stubby, hairy-armed ancestral roots of mine, to the stubby, hairy-arms of my pride.
These spacio-temporal crossings, these high-altitude trips above unobjective truth up into the wiiiiiispy clouds of MAYBE, leave me airsick, seasick, totally unPacific. Those clouds are only wissssssspy in dreams. In the life of Us, they carry storms, don't you remember, Kacie135? ummmmmmmMaybe I am flying the "H-yi-N-yi"?
Fly, flew, flu........
forget, forget, forget
The world looks funny from this side of the sea, ten hours ahead of a reality I am aware of only via Facebook (<3). But time and space are nothing when you are flying. ummmmm.
A day of Nabokov (or more specifically, of his famous perv Hummm) and already my imagination has flown, literally flown, in a government plane named KC135, across the vast Pacific. An old friend flying fast toward a fuzzy-eyed me. Of course, not TO me, but in my direction... to those stubby, hairy-armed ancestral roots of mine, to the stubby, hairy-arms of my pride.
These spacio-temporal crossings, these high-altitude trips above unobjective truth up into the wiiiiiispy clouds of MAYBE, leave me airsick, seasick, totally unPacific. Those clouds are only wissssssspy in dreams. In the life of Us, they carry storms, don't you remember, Kacie135? ummmmmmmMaybe I am flying the "H-yi-N-yi"?
Fly, flew, flu........
forget, forget, forget
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
FML
Oh God. I don't know how to teach.
NO experience whatsoever.
Tutoring two students at a time does not equal teaching experience.
Oh God. :(
On the upside, I had a very pleasant dream about the Peace Corps last night, which is very encouraging for someone who rarely dreams. It had to do with my host family, which I can't remember anything about other than that I liked them a lot! :)
NO experience whatsoever.
Tutoring two students at a time does not equal teaching experience.
Oh God. :(
On the upside, I had a very pleasant dream about the Peace Corps last night, which is very encouraging for someone who rarely dreams. It had to do with my host family, which I can't remember anything about other than that I liked them a lot! :)
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