Showing posts with label Peace Corps. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Peace Corps. Show all posts

Friday, February 26, 2010

Humbled by Hessler

Peter Hessler is the pride and joy of Fuling, at least as far as my site mate and I are concerned. After reading his book, River Town, and comparing his experiences with my own, I couldn't help but wonder if such big disparities exist not so much because times have transformed this town, but that he and I just see the world entirely differently.

I tend to think books can change the world, that words set change into motion. But should change be the purpose of writing? After half a year of Peace Corps service, a humbling experience in and of itself, I can't say that I entirely disagree with Peter Hessler's opinion on this matter:

taken from http://urbanatomy.com/index.php/arts/why-i-write/2770-why-i-write-peter-hessler


Does writing change anything?
To be honest, I don’t care, not in the strictest sense. I’ve never been a political person; I tend to get bored when people talk about policy and big-picture things. I suppose that my time in the Peace Corps made me more realistic about a person’s impact, and more cynical about a certain type of idealism.

But Americans are attached to this idea, especially with regard to the developing world. You look at the books that sell well in the States, the best-selling books about poor places, and they tend to be about a foreigner who is trying to save people. You have Three Cups of Tea or Mountains Beyond Mountains. Individually these books can be great, and they tell important stories, but it concerns me a little that this approach tends to dominate the bestseller readership with regard to the developing world. The other main option is books about atrocities – child soldiers, or sex slaves, or things like that.

I wonder about the impact of these books, and I wonder about the vision they promote of the developing world. Americans seem to read these books and conclude: Thank God I was born in the good old U.S. of A. instead of in some crazy country like this. Or they think, We really need to fix these places. They conclude that if you’re going to live overseas, you need to be either a saint or insane. There’s no sense of normal life in a developing country – no sense that you might live in one of these places and have an enjoyable life, and make friends you respect and like. Obviously, there are some countries where it’s just not possible to live a normal life, because things are so troubled – but these places tend to dominate our perception of the world; they are represented disproportionately.

As a result there’s no real connection with the people, not in terms of understanding them and being able to put yourself in their shoes. These books don’t come out of a deep anthropological instinct. The basic interest is more along the lines of changing the world than understanding the world. But this has always been the classic American weakness beyond its borders. People want to get involved, and they want to change the world, but they don’t want to be patient. And they aren’t inclined to grant others the dignity of figuring out their own path.

One thing I liked about being in China was that I couldn’t over-estimate my significance, either as a teacher or as a writer. When I arrived with the Peace Corps, the country was clearly going its own way, and that’s still the case. Foreigners have some impact, but they aren’t guiding the country, and it’s not a playground for NGOs like so many parts of the world. The state-level stuff is of questionable value. When a head of state like Obama goes to Beijing, he’s performing certain rituals that are part of big-picture politics, but he’s not making a lot of earth-shattering decisions that will change China. In a sense, he has a lot less leeway than a migrant going to Dongguan looking for a factory job. So as a writer you’re best off sticking with that migrant or somebody like him; you should try to understand Chinese people. You try to figure out their stories and their motivations, and you try to write in an artful way. As far as I’m concerned, that’s enough. Good writing should enlighten and entertain, and it should have some quality of art. But it doesn’t have to change policy or raise funds for a cause. Plenty of other people are trying to change the world, often in heavy-handed ways that do as much harm as good.



But perhaps Jung Chang, author of the fantastic Wild Swans, gave the best answer:

Does writing change anything?
Yes, my life.


Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy Safe Night

Christmas Eve = Ping An Ye = 平安夜, the first character of which sounds like the first part of "apple" (苹果 = ping guo) which ultimately makes tonight Apple Night in China.

The foreign affairs office took us to the Taiji Hotel, Fuling's swankiest hotel, for a Christmas Eve dinner party that cost about a quarter of my monthly allowance. Good thing I didn't have to pay because I was too nervous to eat, and was thus only able to drink my money's worth. There were a bunch of performances, including my attempt at the hula...

Since it's freakin cold, I refused to wear anything but my nicest pair of pants and my nicest sweater, both of which are not very nice. So, perhaps because I was a raggedy-looking hula dancer, I was ushered backstage and shown a tiny green dress and told I could borrow it for my performance. HAH! One sway of the hip and people would be looking at my panties. I politely refused.

All night I was super nervous, but what calmed my nerves was the group that performed before me. I only got a backstage peek, but my site mate confirmed what I thought was a hallucination: they were doing an African dance. AND they painted their faces black. Omg, yeah, they did.

Thankfully the hula went smoothly. And I didn't have to paint my face brown.
I actually had a good time performing. My mind went blank the entire time. It really is a good feeling to be able to mentally kick back and let your mind perform for you. In that way, it's like playing tennis, which I haven't done in SIX MONTHS. That's the time it's been since I first arrived in China, since I last saw the ocean, since I last had my hair cut, since I last ate cheese, since I last pet my dog, since I last drove the truck, since I last used blogger freely, since I last was truly comfortable.

Tonight was fun, and it definitely was a distraction from the homesickness I assume I will have tomorrow, but the sentimentality attached to Christmas Eve is inescapable. There's no comparing a bubbly Chinese host who introduced my dance by asking me, in front of the 200 wealthiest Fuling residents, how the heck I can be American when I look Chinese, to a quiet evening at home, listening to Willie K sing "O Holy Night" and eating salmon with my parents. BUT that's not to say that I did not have a good time tonight. Truly, I did, even though I wish I was elsewhere.....

Friday, December 11, 2009

smart power

From "The Forgotten Front: Winning Hearts and Minds in Southeast Asia"
by Christopher Bond and Lewis Simons
Foreign Affairs

"In addition to helping provide young Muslims with a quality, secular education, the United States should be expanding the Peace Corps and other US civilian organizations operating in Muslim areas throughout Southeast Asia. Smart power would best be delivered by volunteers in sandals and sneakers who live, work, and teach among the people of the region, rather than by diplomats in wingtips or soldiers in combat boots. The State Department would do well to reduce the footprint of fortress-style embassies in capital cities and instead create more intimate consulates staffed by Americans fluent in local languages in smaller district towns. Although this would likely create new security risks, human contact at this level would go a long way toward draining the swamp that nourishes tomorrow's terrorists."



As a Peace Force cadet, my ultimate mission is to squash the young shoots of terrorism. Nevermind if I get frost bite from wearing sandals in this weather, I will drain that icy swamp, one bowl of Muslim noodles at a time. Toes are a small sacrifice, a minor security risk, as is Giardia and other parasites.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

apathetic to apathy

I saw THREE kids sleeping in one of my Oral English classes today.
I almost went ballistic.
It took all the nerve I had not to drag each one out of the room by the ear.

I calmed down, though, because it's always the same three who contaminate the classroom with their apathy. I already sing and dance, what else do they want?? A nap, they want a nap. They probably want me to stop all my edutainment stunts so they can nap more peacefully.

The sad thing is that, as the weeks go by, I feel myself becoming more apathetic toward their apathy. I use to yell, my eyes used to twitch and bulge, and I would show them the big zeros I was writing for them in my grade book. Now, I do my best to ignore them, knowing that while an explosion of anger will certainly ruin their dreams, it will also ruin the rest of my day.

Have I given up on them? Perhaps, but if they're not going to meet me half way, why should I jump through hoops for them? But am I expected to go out of my way for them? Is it my job? Basically, the dilemma is: to care or not to care.

I feel bad for kids like Jany. She sits in the front and stares at me with her big eyes, eager to absorb everything I dribble out. And what does she get? A grumpy teacher.


I try not to play favorites, but there is one class that outshines the rest. Just so happens it's immediately before my dreaded apathetic class.

Today in this golden class, I happened to take a peek at a student's script for their horror skit.
The line that caught my eye went something like this:

Mr. Yuan: "Oh fuck it! Holy shit, shit, it's a ghost!"

"Um, you can't say that in front of the class, okay?"
"Okay, Kacie. Are those words too informal?"
"Yes, well, sort of. I'll tell you about them later."

Lol, can't you see why I like them?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

the hippie that never was

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/education/edlife/01rotc-t.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&hp

I had no idea that the student protests in the 60s resulted in the banning of ROTC at elite universities. WOW! Hehe, I think I am infatuated with the antiwar movement. Students, young people, changed things - they mattered. They made the Vietnam War look like the tragic joke it was, they coaxed the government into lowering the voting age, they set their draft cards on fire and ended up burning down the entire drafting system.

Okay, so I admit that I romanticize this era of peace rallies, but still, it saddens me that the antiwar sentiment is no longer as "cool" as it was 50 years ago. Sure, the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan is not very popular, but because people don't seem to care very much. This war is the kid in school who nobody notices. The Vietnam War, on the other hand, was unpopular because it pissed off - it moved - the public.

Why is our generation so damn apathetic? Are we that much more selfish than our parents were? Are we preoccupied by issues our parents never had?


I don't quite understand my antagonism toward ROTC, or with the military. Not just our military. Everytime I'd watch YZNU's freshmen doing their mandatory military drills, I'd get the chills. I just find synchronized marching creepy. The fact that all freshmen in this part of the country are disciplined in such an overt manner is frightening.

Also, now that the newly-winged Eric is an Air Force rock star, my feelings toward the military are even more nebulous. How can I admire him without acknowledging all of the grand opportunities the military has provided him with? The military makes possible life as he knows it.

You could chalk-up my antagonism to the military to my general suspicion of all sorts of powerful organizations/institutions/etc. And yet, look at me, a Peace Corps Volunteer, for heaven's sake. I work for the government, I help to author the fattest institution of them all. Often it feels like it's our job to do damage control, to make sure nationals in other countries don't hate us too much for the coups and wars we've supported, the labor and natural resources we've exploited, and the bombs we've dropped. So in many ways, my role as a "peace ambassador" supports the military - it mollifies the international antagonism toward American violence. And yet, there are ways to go beyond, and maybe even against, what is expected of me as a representative of the US - not that it is my mission to blemish America's name. It's really quite the opposite.

Friday, October 30, 2009

party prep party

I spent the afternoon in Fuling with Kathy. Fuling DOES sell popcorn, thank God. We ate lunch at Dico's, a fast food joint I'd been trying my best to avoid, only because it's expensive... for a PCV, anyway. Ah, but the french fries were amazing. First fries I've eaten since June! I didn't think Fuling had any!

Unfortunately, one of the Mag7 got the (swine?) flu... but her slot was quickly filled by Luna.
The gang came over this evening with bags of veggies, meat and seasons. They pulled out my pots and pans, helped me hunt for knives and cutting boards (it was the first time my kitchen was being used!), and quickly got to work with making the jiaozi stuffing. Then they taught me how to fold the stuffing into the wrappers. We ate and ate and ate.

Then we had hot chocolate for desert - the dark chocolate Swiss Miss my parents sent me last week. It was a new experience for them. "We don't drink chocolate!" :)

I certainly had a good time. And now I am pooped.

The party is tomorrow!!! :)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I said "YES!" to a student to who asked for a Halloween Party. Today Yedda reported that there will be 160 students. I don't know how accurate this count is, but if that many students do show up... It's going to be chaotic, but fun.

I have 4 games:
Pumpkin bowling
Chubby Bunny
Footloose Balloon Pop
Balloon Squat Relay

- and there will be a costume contest IF students dress up
- and I will show "Hocus Pocus" IF (big, big IF!) the computer and projector work
- and I will give popcorn to all if Kathy can help me find some in Fuling tomorrow

My Magnificent 7 is coming over tomorrow for a final meeting. I am so, so grateful for their help. I was going to take them out to dinner, but then they asked to cook for me. Hah! Who would disagree? So tomorrow, they're making jiaozi at my place. :)

They came over last night too, and they asked me my age. I told them to guess.

"26? ... 25? ... 24? .... 23? .... 22?"

"Yes, 22."

"HUUUUHH???????"

That was the first time anybody has ever thought that I'm older than I actually am. =P

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Reading Lolita in China

"It is only through these empty rituals that brutality becomes possible," Nafisi writes in her memoir on her time in the Islamic Republic of Iran, lived and witnessed through the wide-eyed imaginations of literature's finest. Habits, particularly those that are hollowly performed, are fatal - in killing the mind, they obliterate reflection and creativity. What then, she seems to be asking, is to stop us from killing? Nabokov's term for this, Nafisi notes, is "poshlust." It denotes the "close relationship between banality and brutality."

An active mind requires much energy, and hegemony's poison, especially when offered in the form of convenience, is awfully tempting for lazy Wikipedia-reliant kids like me. Life would be much too rigorous if each experience was entirely void of familiarity, and certainly there is "good" to be found in tradition. But "good" rituals should be able to withstand our interrogation - they should not collapse from the mere puff of a question.

Nafisi picked out yet another gem from Nabokov: "curiosity is insubordination in its purest form." To wonder is to resist.

Somewhere in the middle of her memoir she backs this assertion, also what I take to be the underlying "moral of the story," with a quip from Adorno: "The highest form of morality is not to feel at home in one's own home."

Fiction opens for us a book-sized window to morality because it "question[s] traditions and expectations when they seem too immutable." And what lies at the heart of morality? Empathy.

Strange how, while reading Nabokov's Lolita, I found myself empathizing with the narrator, a pedophile who lives entirely to rape his 12-year-old step-daughter. To my horror, there I was, internalizing the turmoil of the very character who epitomizes immorality. But this is merely a symptom of Nabokov's brilliance - his words are laden with magic - they restore humanity, not only to the non-human Lolita, in her role as an object of perverted pleasure, but also to the inhuman Humbert. Lolita, is an extreme example of the power of the imagination.

Monday, June 22, 2009

library

Tomorrow's the day I find out if I'll have a future of worth to return to in two years. If I bomb the GRE, I will build a career as a Peace Corps volunteer. Oh, I'm kidding.
I'm over at UHH, letting my numb, frozen butt become reacquainted with the library.... but ahhh I am WAY too distracted to study. All I can think about is how much I need to get done before I leave for China.
SIX days, baby!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

FML

Oh God. I don't know how to teach.
NO experience whatsoever.
Tutoring two students at a time does not equal teaching experience.
Oh God. :(

On the upside, I had a very pleasant dream about the Peace Corps last night, which is very encouraging for someone who rarely dreams. It had to do with my host family, which I can't remember anything about other than that I liked them a lot! :)

Monday, June 1, 2009

sudden rush

Not doing much today. Going to the gym as soon as Dad returns with the truck. Then perhaps an attempt to study for the GRE at some cafe. Most likely Starbucks, as that is the only option besides Kope Kope, which smells like butt. And then, perhaps a trip to the store to buy like, TEN deodorants and some sun screen. Right now I'm reading Love in a Time of Cholera and listening to the Hiilawe remix, the only Sudden Rush song I can find.

My appreciation for Sudden Rush has been thoroughly revived thanks to the Malcolm X International Worker's Day event at UH. I went to support Porakan and Ben, my after-class beer buddies, who were going to speak out against sweatshops. While we were sitting on the green steps half listening to the MANY other speeches by local activists, I spotted Sudden Rush cruising under a tree, and instantly felt as if I had turned into an adolescent. OMG YOU GUYS, Sudden Rush is here! SWEEEEEET! Ew, I can just hear myself. Anyway, after a few more speeches, Keala and his crew finally emerged from the grassy backdrop and busted out their Hawaiian-rap remixes. The sounds of my youth!

Ohh but WTF, iTunes doesn't have any of their albums!
Wattup wit dat?
I guess it's a sign that I should clean my room. Maybe I'll uncover some of their songs from last decade.

I am on a mission stuff my iPod with Hawaiian music before I leave! Especially the stuff from 5-10 years ago!


Oh! I just noticed the date. Exactly ONE more month til China!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Clack!

I'm back!

In one month I will be in Chengdu. O_O

Thinking about China makes me want to scream. And shop. I need to buy deodorant to take with me to China. And some grown-up looking sandals. I think they call them heels.

Clack, clack, clack.
China, that's the sound of me coming.

Unless I cheat and wear slippers the entire time... or the pink sneakers I got at Sports Authority today. But then that would detract from my efforts to look like a teacher, or at least, not like a student. :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

peace corps

i think i'm in!
so far, so good.
the interview went well... now if i can just pass the medical exams :)
the recruiter is so sweet. our personalities were really similar and our excitement definitely rubbed off on one another. i couldn't have asked for a better experience!!!!!! thank you Jesus!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

last illegal week

i'm LOVING the international flicks.
wow, how'd i know this was the genius' crowd? haha. seriously though, i've found my passion: indy films. ooooo

the interview is TOMORROW!!!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

$1 dollar boyfriend

I went to get my fingerprinting done for the Peace Corps.
I ended up going to Aloha Photo, this shady-looking passport photo shop run by a tiny old Chinese woman. It totally didn't look legit, but what the heck, the lady was a sweetheart.

"You cute. No boyfriend?"
"Nooo."
"OK, thirty dollars. Flat."
"Here. Thanks!"
"I give you back one dollar. For good luck. Then you find boyfriend, OK?"
"Umm.. "
"Take it."
"Uh...OK. Thanks."

She hugs me, takes my hand and leads me out of the shop and around the corner, hugs me again, then sends me off.

Peace Corps and $1 boyfriend, here I come.