finally accessed!

Finally back on this!

For the longest time I couldn't get my blog to load. :(

So much has happened!

Went to Xi'an, got swept up in a sea of people, and discovered within myself a great fascination with ancient Chinese history. Will have to write more on that later!

Also, shoooooot, I REALLY like Xie.

We just click. Usually when I'm in the beginning stages of a relationship with someone I can pick out the things that should hold me back... but he comes so close to perfect. The only imperfection is not his fault at all.. it's that we come from two different worlds. What's going to happen next year? I don't even want to think about it!

xiexie, xie

My first date with Xie Haoxin just ended.
It went well, I think, aside from the fact that I had to seriously work to understand what he was saying. I hope I didn't bore him by forcing him to talk in simple Chinese.

I 'm definitely a little uneasy. First of all, as I've already implied, he doesn't speak English. Secondly, he's a freakin student. Yeah, I know, this could be very wrong. I've been trying to justify it - he's not MY student, he's not even in my department, he's only one year younger, this town is made up of students (who else am I going to date? the teachers are way older than me!), he's mature, he understands my concern.....he bought me sushi...

Thirdly, I have less than a year left, and most of my time is on reserve for MY students...

But he's cute. And patient with me and my crappy Chinese. And it's just been so damn long since I've felt this way about anybody....

"Where Boys Are Prized, Girls Live the Part"

Excellent, interesting article about the liberation of being who you are not.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/21/world/asia/21gender.html?ref=world

Redefining gender in some parts of the world is more than a political statement - it can be an economic necessity.

pioneers

The women's group was a success!!
The pioneers: Zinna, Emily, Alice, Angel, Jenny, Tiny, Sophie, Lily, Tracy and yours truly.

We began with dinner - food always helps break the tension. By the time these girls licked their plates clean, they were buds.

We then defined a "pioneer" as someone who paves paths for others to follow. We talked about risk-taking, and how all of them are taking a risk to "kaoyan" or take the grad school entrance exams. They gave up their teaching internships to do this, and are very nervous, but now at least we'll be able to be there for and support each other.

We also talked about my personal fav, Jane Addams, who rose from being a sickly child to founding one of, if not THE, first settlement houses in the US, and then who sacrificed the reputation she built to speak out for world peace, at a time when not supporting the US cause in WWI was considered anti-American.

The discussions ended up being really interesting, with everyone contributing ideas and sharing personal experiences. I didn't think they would be willing to be so open with everyone, and I am just hoping I will be as willing as they are to bare my soul.

I think because I spent the entire day cleaning every nook and cranny of my apartment, I was exhausted by the time they left. But still, it was the best kind of exhaustion - the time you can take with you to bed. =)

floss

I am addicted to dental floss.

Something just feels amiss in my mouth if I don't dig out the day's grinds.

I never used to floss before I got two cavities filled here (which was not as bad as I had feared). But now I do it every night. Yes, I AM proud of myself for picking up a good habit for once in my life.

I'm also trying not to chew gum. But I crave it. I CRAVE it! Yet my irrational fear of any dentist who is not my uncle is enough to make me quit.

It's funny, the things fear can make you do...

florida to egypt to oh sh*t

I just saw this really interesting blurb on a podcast from one of the major news organizations about the role of the media in the whole Quran burning incident. By covering that idiot Florida pastor's incendiary claims, did the media turn him into a celebrity, and contribute to pissing off Muslims in the Middle East, ultimately putting US troops in danger? Will shout outs from Petraeus and Obama and financial donations from other idiot fanatics inspire copycats?

According to this news station, this pastor had already gathered quite a following on Facebook, attracting an Egyptian newspaper's attention, immediately inciting protests. It was only then that the big American news organizations picked the story up. According to them, they simply couldn't ignore a story like this. To NOT cover the protests and the risk US soldiers are now in, and to fail to trace it back to the man who started it out would be simply irresponsible. hmmm...... There's a spectacle, then it's covered, causing another spectacle, then it's covered, causing yet another spectacle.....

Teachers' Day

It's Teachers' Day in the PRC!

I wish we had a holiday like that back in the states. I just love it when students take the time to actually think about all that goes into making a class happen. =) I swear, if I ever make it back to grad school, I'm going to lavish my profs with gratitude. Brown-noser, I know =P

In a lil bit KT and I are going to celebrate the holiday AND our first week of school with Luna & Co. at the tang guo restaurant. A few weeks ago I bumped into that waitress with the permanent scowl. "Ayi, ni hao!" I said, and what did I get back in return? A scowl. And a look that seemed to ask, "why the hell are you calling me Ayi?" Haha but I still love her if only because of the delicious food she serves.

Other news: Tyler might come to visit! I am hope hope hope that he'll be able to make it. He's my only hope--- the only one from home who seriously wants to check out China. To be able to take him around and show him my community would be SUCH a cool thing!

deadbeat

"Kacie, is 'deadbeat' a dorky word?" Hehe I love Yang.

Well, today was a bit crazy. Teaching three 90 min classes with chalk dust plastered onto my perpetually perspiring face is exhausting. I am definitely beat. A deadbeat with sore feet who had to teach in the crazy heat.

Surprisingly, I really like my culture classes, big as they are. :) They are surprisingly manageable.

Katy and I celebrated our first two days of jam-packed classes with hot bowls of noodles and cold beer. SO delicious, and in such good company. Thank you, Lord, for sending me such an easygoing site mate!

semester 3, day 1: what i like about you

My first classes of my third semester here began today. From 2:30 to 6pm I put on my "I'm From Hawaii Show" for two different classes of very confused sophomores. Yessmams, this chick ain't Chinese.

I think this semester will be a good one. Today's students were a little shy but after my Haka dance they started to open up a bit. :P I'm a little worried about tomorrow's classes... in the morning I have another Oral English class, but in the afternoon I have two sections of Culture classes, each with 70+ students. I don't know why the department decided to double up our classes this semester! I am a little freaked out. I mean, CRAP that IS a LOT of students!!!!! :/


In other news, my obsession with "What I Like About You" is official. It's just so damn funny. And I get an extra kick out of it because my students say I look and act like Amanda Bynes. Of course I would only come up to her boobs, which are much bigger than mine, and she has the Cauc- to my Asian, but what the hell, I kind of do see a little of myself in her.

I was watching another episode while munching on my sweet and sour pork leftovers, and Val's sickeningly sweet engagement really got to me. I don't know why I'm all sentimental and stuff right now, but it probably has something to do with the fact that this is the longest I have ever not been in a relationship. It's a good thing, I guess, because I don't know how a relationship would be possible here anyway. But you would have thought that after all this time, I would be over that one fool who once drove me crazy enough to write poetry. I AM over him, because I definitely think he's poison to my happiness, but little things - like FB flirting with MY friends - still get to me. Why does he do it????? Why do I care???????

Ohhhhhhhh. China.

midweek weekends

Got my teaching schedule - no class on Wednesdays and Thursdays! Boooyah!

I'm a little peeved at having FIVE Oral English classes, but other than that, I really like my schedule.

I'm still a little fuzzy from the banquet in Fuling we just got back from. But I feel like I just crossed a major threshold. I understood all of the Mandarin table talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

too many shots of grad caffeine

every time i log onto thegradcafe i start to freak out.

this is going to be a LONG six months!! :/

Chengdu

Traveling in these parts of China is STRESSFUL.

I nearly missed my one-a-day bus to Chengdu because I couldn't get a ride from campus to the station in Fuling. The buses, for some reason, weren't stopping at our school, so I had to go out to the main road, and then they still wouldn't stop to pick up people!!! I was freaking out, so this girl I had just met dragged me down to Ma'an to uncover the source of the snubbery. Turns out the entire town wanted to get to Fuling! Kids moving in to their boarding schools, parents who work in town, etc. etc. They piled into each and every bus, filling them way beyond capacity. Finally I shoved my way onto one of those illegal mini buses and made it to Fuling on time.

Now, if only I had known that getting to town would take twice as long, I would have left much earlier and wouldn't have developed a near ulcer from worrying all morning.

Aside from that mini fiasco, Chengdu was SO great! I seriously love that city, and if I had to live anywhere in China, it would be in Chengdu. I got to see a bit of Christian and Tim, and was reminded once again that HOLY CRAP, WE HAVE LESS THAN A YEAR LEFT! I don't know whether to be happy or sad. It's a bit of both, I guess. I like my site, but I am ready to start grad school!!! Of course, if I get into anywhere!

The best part of being in Chengdu was seeing Elaine and Matt. We ate at the Tibetan Elephant Restaurant - not a fan of butter milk, but yak is yummy! They took me back to their palace and then we went to eat shadow ice... it's like shaved ice, but much softer - in fact, it's incredibly soft, I honestly don't know how they make it!

But I am back in Ma'an and am comforted by the thought that for the next month or so I won't have to go anywhere. What happened to adventurous Kacie who liked to travel?????

bath water

I met my new site mate today. She is pretty fricken awesome =)
She's got a positive attitude and a lot of spunk - I can tell she's going to be a hit here!

In other news, it's the start of chapter 5 billion in my fat ass book of bathroom problems. The shower drain is plugged now, and I was told to let it sit for a few days to see if the water goes down. If it doesn't, then they'll have to replace the entire bath tub!!!! The worst part is that I'm going to Chengdu the day after tomorrow, and my waiban wants to wait until AFTER I get back to do anything.

That means tonight, tomorrow night, and perhaps for a few nights next week I'm going to have to stand in FILTHY water when I shower. And I have blisters on my feet. Flesh eating disease, anyone? ACK!

=P

sometimes i wish i could be more classy.

just to look like i know what i'm doing.

=P

Norwegian Recycling

Yessssir, I've got a healthy appetite for reconstruction.

Btw, I am reading Madame Bovary and it is GOOD. Such a familiar theme.

stigmatism

The stigmatism in my left eye is really messing me up. Making me so so so DIZZY!!

Maybe the only reason why my vision is ultra blurry now is because for the past week I've been hiding out in my apartment working on one aspect or another of the FIVE grad school apps I'm currently filling out. Yikes, to think sane people actually do apply to more schools than that!

It's still early in the game but I want to make these babies sparkle as much as I can before school starts. This year I am determined to do more as a volunteer. Last year was all about adjusting and having fun... this year, I MUST try to do something "impactful," because if I don't I'm going to go back to America and have to live out the rest of my life knowing that I didn't do crap as a volunteer. Who wants to live with that kind of regret????

So, on September 13, my women's leadership group will begin. Who will be in it? Where will we meet? Which female hero will provide the inspiration? I have no clue. All that's set is the date... in fact, I JUST NOW randomly chose this date, simply to make a public commitment (never mind that no one actually reads this) so that I actually DO IT. And yes, I have commitment issues!

Also, environmental and AIDS awareness lessons are in the line up for this year's Oral English classes. And a prom or winter ball? Movie night? Maybe doing a Turbo Jam or Zumba (first I have to learn) class once the weather cools?

Oh, and just for me, I seriously want to learn kung fu.

ACTIVE is my theme for this semester.

So that is why I am killing myself on grad apps so early on. They say the second year of PC service is supposed to fly by, but how can that be so when I will be waiting with sweaty palms til fricken APRIL to find out where I'll be going??? I am trippin, better go rest these eyes!

tell the angels

another one for the kingdom =)

i now have ample energy to eat, pray, love. =)

btw, i will play balinese medicine girl and live with a smile on my face.

the space between

Summer is a space between.

Hawaii was a compact space of sentimentality and splendid chaos.

But now I am back, and finally, I have found a week-long stretch of pure peace. It was an embodiment of space with nothing in it, a void, and I was free to fill it up with whatever I wanted.

I lost the days, mixing up my Mondays for Wednesdays, not caring at all about time. Alas, there is nowhere I must go, nothing I must do. I enjoy waking up to an empty dawn, watching back to back episodes of "What I Like About You" (a TV series I always wanted to watch when I was in high school, but never had the time), reading novels, eating cold noodles with students at Jiejie's shop, house cleaning, working out, eating take out kungpao chicken, and watching movies. In the meantime, my grad school apps are being filled, my essays are being written, my sanity somehow preserved. I can't imagine doing this without a space between as wide as the one I'm in now. :)

Life is good :)

"Run and tell the angels that everything's alright..."

"veiled threats?"

Martha Nussbaum: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/11/veiled-threats/

melancholy fire

It's 6:30 pm and behind the ever gray sky, the sun still burns. It is a damp 91 degrees. Lord help me.

A half hour of Facebook voyeurism has left me depressed. I ended up on some Waiakea friends' pages and saw, on the basis of status updates and pictures, where their lives are now. They are in steady relationships, have stable jobs and lead exciting social lives. Of course, all that's to be expected, and I am both happy for and envious of them. What the heck am I doing in China? Having the time of my life, that's for sure, but part of me feels like I ought to be maturing in step with my classmates. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, I have no "real" job, and my social life is built entirely around people I may never see again after my stint here is done.

Also, thoughts of a certain person burn like coal in my heart. My position makes this fire impossible, and so it rages. I think he knows that I know. But what can I do? Anyway, he is gone for the summer.