Thursday, October 14, 2010
finally accessed!
Friday, September 24, 2010
xiexie, xie
It went well, I think, aside from the fact that I had to seriously work to understand what he was saying. I hope I didn't bore him by forcing him to talk in simple Chinese.
I 'm definitely a little uneasy. First of all, as I've already implied, he doesn't speak English. Secondly, he's a freakin student. Yeah, I know, this could be very wrong. I've been trying to justify it - he's not MY student, he's not even in my department, he's only one year younger, this town is made up of students (who else am I going to date? the teachers are way older than me!), he's mature, he understands my concern.....he bought me sushi...
Thirdly, I have less than a year left, and most of my time is on reserve for MY students...
But he's cute. And patient with me and my crappy Chinese. And it's just been so damn long since I've felt this way about anybody....
Monday, September 20, 2010
"Where Boys Are Prized, Girls Live the Part"
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/21/world/asia/21gender.html?ref=world
Redefining gender in some parts of the world is more than a political statement - it can be an economic necessity.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
pioneers
The pioneers: Zinna, Emily, Alice, Angel, Jenny, Tiny, Sophie, Lily, Tracy and yours truly.
We began with dinner - food always helps break the tension. By the time these girls licked their plates clean, they were buds.
We then defined a "pioneer" as someone who paves paths for others to follow. We talked about risk-taking, and how all of them are taking a risk to "kaoyan" or take the grad school entrance exams. They gave up their teaching internships to do this, and are very nervous, but now at least we'll be able to be there for and support each other.
We also talked about my personal fav, Jane Addams, who rose from being a sickly child to founding one of, if not THE, first settlement houses in the US, and then who sacrificed the reputation she built to speak out for world peace, at a time when not supporting the US cause in WWI was considered anti-American.
The discussions ended up being really interesting, with everyone contributing ideas and sharing personal experiences. I didn't think they would be willing to be so open with everyone, and I am just hoping I will be as willing as they are to bare my soul.
I think because I spent the entire day cleaning every nook and cranny of my apartment, I was exhausted by the time they left. But still, it was the best kind of exhaustion - the time you can take with you to bed. =)
Monday, September 13, 2010
floss
Sunday, September 12, 2010
florida to egypt to oh sh*t
Friday, September 10, 2010
Teachers' Day
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
deadbeat
Monday, September 6, 2010
semester 3, day 1: what i like about you
I think this semester will be a good one. Today's students were a little shy but after my Haka dance they started to open up a bit. :P I'm a little worried about tomorrow's classes... in the morning I have another Oral English class, but in the afternoon I have two sections of Culture classes, each with 70+ students. I don't know why the department decided to double up our classes this semester! I am a little freaked out. I mean, CRAP that IS a LOT of students!!!!! :/
In other news, my obsession with "What I Like About You" is official. It's just so damn funny. And I get an extra kick out of it because my students say I look and act like Amanda Bynes. Of course I would only come up to her boobs, which are much bigger than mine, and she has the Cauc- to my Asian, but what the hell, I kind of do see a little of myself in her.
I was watching another episode while munching on my sweet and sour pork leftovers, and Val's sickeningly sweet engagement really got to me. I don't know why I'm all sentimental and stuff right now, but it probably has something to do with the fact that this is the longest I have ever not been in a relationship. It's a good thing, I guess, because I don't know how a relationship would be possible here anyway. But you would have thought that after all this time, I would be over that one fool who once drove me crazy enough to write poetry. I AM over him, because I definitely think he's poison to my happiness, but little things - like FB flirting with MY friends - still get to me. Why does he do it????? Why do I care???????
Ohhhhhhhh. China.
Friday, September 3, 2010
midweek weekends
Thursday, September 2, 2010
too many shots of grad caffeine
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Chengdu
Saturday, August 28, 2010
bath water
She's got a positive attitude and a lot of spunk - I can tell she's going to be a hit here!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Norwegian Recycling
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
stigmatism
Sunday, August 22, 2010
tell the angels
the space between
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
melancholy fire
A half hour of Facebook voyeurism has left me depressed. I ended up on some Waiakea friends' pages and saw, on the basis of status updates and pictures, where their lives are now. They are in steady relationships, have stable jobs and lead exciting social lives. Of course, all that's to be expected, and I am both happy for and envious of them. What the heck am I doing in China? Having the time of my life, that's for sure, but part of me feels like I ought to be maturing in step with my classmates. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, I have no "real" job, and my social life is built entirely around people I may never see again after my stint here is done.
Also, thoughts of a certain person burn like coal in my heart. My position makes this fire impossible, and so it rages. I think he knows that I know. But what can I do? Anyway, he is gone for the summer.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
the value of words
- Chuang Tzu, quoted in Peter Hessler's Oracle Bones
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
一起加油
我在改写作课的试卷和笔记本。有点累,但是马上就改完了,就可以继续耍,也可以开始认真的准备我国家的考研,GRE。过几个星期和平队要派我去开县 教英语两个星期。以前我以为他们会派我去垫江,不过今天他们跟我说要换地方。(所以如果你是开县人,我就找你哦!)然后七月底我要回过看望我家人,两三个 星期后就回来。
最近我心情和平时不一样因为压力比较大。我很怕 GRE 哦!期末快到了,所以现在你们的压力也比较大。可能你会了解我!必须准备很多东西,但是只想做很多其他的事,只想去很多地方玩,只想陪朋友耍,只想吃很多 好吃的(哈哈)什么的。。时间真不够哦!这周我每天都在我办公室,一边改作业,一边读书,感觉越来越讨厌。我真的感谢你几个朋友陪我吃饭,散步和开玩笑。 如果没有你,我一定就变更疯了。
而且感谢你大三学生们。我也在看你们写的信,真让我又快乐!我让你们写一封信的时候,以为你们会写中国文 化或者学英语的事情。不过你们写了很意义也很甜蜜的话。我觉得在信里,你们说的话是个特别的礼物。很希望给每个人回答所以你们都可以知道我怎么感动了。这 样的宝比钱好哦。。所以虽然当老师不会赚很多钱,也有时候有点困难,在老师生活里这样的感谢是最好的。我觉得如果我永远能听你们的话,我一定就会一直高 兴,一直微笑。
许多你们马上要离开这里出去试教。知道你们都有点紧张,不太兴奋。。但是放心。。你们的学生一定会爱你们,他们会被你们有灵感的。我非常相信你们!加油!
其实,无论你是个大三,大二,大一,毕业了学生或者老师,我们都应该加油!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
archaeology
.... Archaeology helps break China apart."
"In the end, so much depends on circumstance - what happens to be found, how the find happens to be perceived. A person's relationship to an artifact can be shaped by nationalism or regionalism. Perspective is crucial: if one believes that he stands at the center, then diffusion seems natural. But a culture looks completely different if you approach it from the outside and then work your way back in."
- Peter Hessler, Oracle Bones, 191
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
最好的年,最好的情况
学期马上就结束了,太快了!!
今天去看了从美国到汶川的志愿者导演的话剧。好好看哦!那个小学生都活泼可爱!表 演开始以前,外语系让我和Rachel陪他们去吃饭。因为志愿者们的父母都移民了从中国到美国,我本来以为他们是中国人。同时他们也以为我是中国人。因为 我比Rachel 到食堂早一点,我先给他们打招呼,不知道他们是不是志愿者。我自己介绍了后,他们都看起来很吃惊。一个女生说,“Wow! Your English is so good!" 我听他们的话,就也很吃惊。我说了,“你也说得很好哦!” 终于发现了我们都是美国人。
我喜欢他们因为不仅他们明显聪明,而且他们好像善良。我也佩服他们因为我觉得来地震地方帮助人真是个特别好的事情。他们都是大二年纪学生,虽然很年轻,但是已经很伟大。
这是他们的第一次来重庆,他们都很喜欢。有一个女生也想当和平队志愿者,再来中国教英语。她问了我喜不喜欢。我快回答了 “在我的生活上,过去的一年是最好的。”
然 后我继续想为什么认真地说这个句子很容易。有很多原因!第一你们对我非常好,每天都让我很愉快。第二你们陪我去做我最喜欢的爱好:吃饭和耍。第三学汉语好 玩因为让我和你们更近,还有这个地方的环境给我很多机会练习。第四我觉得中国文化很有意思,比如说古故事,电视剧,音乐等等。第五我越来越了解我自己,发 现我是什么样的人,有什么样的愿望。
不过有时候当志愿者很累。。。不仅我自然懒和一个小丑,而且有时侯我只想当一个低调人,不想成为一个 外国人。所以我最喜欢和你们在一起因为你们都向我对待一个同学,一个同胞,一个一般的人。如果人对我这样,我就感觉很自在,我就可以放松。原来的时候我怕 只有 Rachel 会了解我,不过我发现了我和你们也可以互相了解。这真是个暖和的感觉! 这个是主要的愿意为什么我觉得,在我的生活上,当你们的志愿者是最好的情况。
吃的东西
西红柿 tomato 菠萝 pineapple 西瓜watermelon 香蕉banana 柚子 shaddock (pomelo) 橙子orange 苹果apple 柠檬lemon 樱桃 cherry 桃子peach 梨 pear 枣Chinese date (去核枣 pitted date ) 椰子coconut 草莓 strawberry 树莓 raspberry 蓝莓 blueberry 黑莓 blackberry 葡萄 grape 甘蔗 sugar cane 芒果 mango 木瓜 pawpaw或者papaya 杏子 apricot 油桃 nectarine 柿子persimmon 石榴pomegranate 榴莲 jackfruit 槟榔果 areca nut (西班牙产苦橙)bitter orange 猕猴桃 kiwi fruit or Chinese gooseberry 金橘cumquat 蟠桃 flat peach 荔枝 litchi 青梅greengage 山楂果 haw 水蜜桃honey peach 香瓜,甜瓜 musk melon 李子plum 杨梅 waxberry red bayberry 桂圆 longan 沙果 crab apple 杨桃starfruit 枇杷 loquat 柑橘 tangerine 莲雾wax-apple 番石榴 guava
肉、蔬菜类(livestock家畜):
南瓜(倭瓜) pumpkin cushaw 甜玉米 Sweet corn 牛肉beef 猪肉pork 羊肉 mutton 羔羊肉lamb 鸡肉chicken 生菜 莴苣lettuce 白菜 Chinese cabbage (celery cabbage)(甘蓝)卷心菜 cabbage 萝卜 radish 胡萝卜 carrot 韭菜leek 木耳 agarics 豌豆 pea 马铃薯(土豆) potato 黄瓜 cucumber 苦瓜 balsam pear 秋葵 okra 洋葱 onion 芹菜 celery 芹菜杆 celery sticks 地瓜 sweet potato 蘑菇 mushroom 橄榄 olive 菠菜spinach 冬瓜(Chinese)wax gourd 莲藕 lotus root 紫菜 laver 油菜 cole rape 茄子 eggplant 香菜 caraway 枇杷loquat 青椒 green pepper 四季豆 青刀豆 garden bean 银耳 silvery fungi 腱子肉tendon 肘子 pork joint 茴香fennel(茴香油fennel oil 药用) 鲤鱼carp 咸猪肉bacon 金针蘑 needle mushroom 扁豆 lentil 槟榔 areca 牛蒡great burdock 水萝卜 summer radish 竹笋 bamboo shoot 艾蒿Chinese mugwort 绿豆mung bean 毛豆green soy bean 瘦肉 lean meat 肥肉speck 黄花菜 day lily (day lily bud) 豆芽菜 bean sprout 丝瓜 towel gourd (注:在美国丝瓜或用来做丝瓜茎loofah洗澡的,不是食用的)
海鲜类(sea food):
虾仁 Peeled Prawns 龙虾 lobster 小龙虾 crayfish(退缩者) 蟹 crab 蟹足crab claws 小虾(虾米) shrimp 对虾、大虾 prawn (烤)鱿鱼(toast)squid 海参 sea cucumber 扇贝 scallop 鲍鱼 sea-ear abalone 小贝肉cockles 牡蛎oyster 鱼鳞scale 海蜇jellyfish鳖 海龟turtle 蚬 蛤 clam 鲅鱼 culter 鲳鱼 butterfish 虾籽 shrimp egg 鲢鱼银鲤鱼chub silver carp 黄花鱼 yellow croaker
调料类(seasonings):
醋 vinegar 酱油 soy 盐 salt 加碘盐 iodized salt 糖 sugar 白糖 refined sugar 酱 soy sauce 沙拉 salad 辣椒 hot(red)pepper 胡椒(black)pepper 花椒wild pepper Chinese prickly ash powder 色拉油salad oil 调料 fixing sauce seasoning 砂糖 granulated sugar 红糖 brown sugar 冰糖 Rock Sugar 芝麻 Sesame 芝麻酱 Sesame paste 芝麻油 Sesame oil 咖喱粉curry 番茄酱(汁) ketchup redeye 辣根horseradish 葱 shallot (Spring onions) 姜 ginger 蒜 garlic 料酒 cooking wine 蚝油oyster sauce 枸杞(枇杷,欧查果 ) medlar 八角aniseed 酵母粉yeast barm Yellow pepper 黄椒 肉桂 cinnamon (在美国十分受欢迎,很多事物都有肉桂料) 黄油 butter 香草精 vanilla extract(甜点必备) 面粉 flour 洋葱 onion
主食类(staple food):
三文治 sandwich 米饭rice 粥 congee (rice soup) 汤 soup 饺子dumpling 面条 noodle 比萨饼 pizza 方便面 instant noodle 香肠 sausage 面包 bread 黄油 (白塔油)butter 茶叶蛋 Tea eggs 油菜 rape 饼干 cookies 咸菜(泡菜)pickle 馒头 steamed bread 饼(蛋糕)cake 汉堡 hamburger 火腿ham 奶酪 cheese 馄饨皮 wonton skin 高筋面粉 Strong flour 小麦wheat 大麦barley 青稞highland barley 高粱broomcorn (kaoliang )春卷Spring rolls 芋头 Taro 山药yam 鱼翅 shark fin 黄花 daylily 松花蛋 皮蛋preserved eggs 春卷 spring roll 肉馅饼minced pie 糙米 Brown rice 玉米 corn 馅儿 stuffing 开胃菜 appetizer 面粉 flour 燕麦 oat 白薯 甘薯 sweet potato牛排 steak 里脊肉 fillet 凉粉 bean jelly 糯米 江米 sticky rice 燕窝 bird's nest 粟 Chinese corn 肉丸子 meat balls 枳橙citrange 点心(中式)dim sum 淀粉starch 蛋挞 egg tart
(dry fruits)干果类 :
腰果 Cashew nuts 花生 peanut 无花果fig 榛子filbert hazel 栗子chestnut 核桃 walnut 杏仁almond 果脯 preserved fruit 芋头taro 葡萄干raisin cordial 开心果 pistachion 巴西果 brazil nut 菱角,荸荠 water chestnut (和国内食用法不同,做坚果食用)
酒水类(beverage):
红酒 red wine 白酒 white wine 白兰地 brandy 葡萄酒 sherry 汽水(软饮料) soda (盐)汽水sparkling water 果汁juice 冰棒 Ice-lolly 啤酒beer 酸奶 yoghurt 伏特加酒vodka 鸡尾酒cocktail 豆奶 soy milk 豆浆soybean milk 七喜 7 UP 麒麟(日本啤酒kirin) 凉开水 cold boiled water 汉斯啤酒 Hans beer 浓缩果汁 concentrated juice 冰镇啤酒 iced(chilled ) beer 札幌(日本啤酒)Sapporo 爱尔啤酒(美国)ale A级牛奶 grand A milk 班图酒bantu beer 半干雪利 dry sark 参水牛奶 blue milk 日本粗茶 bancha 生啤酒 draft beer 白啤酒 white beer <苏格兰>大麦酒barley-bree 咖啡伴侣coffee mate
零食类(snack):
mint 薄荷糖 cracker饼干, biscuit饼干, 棒棒糖bonbon 茶tea (沏茶 make the tea) 话梅prune candied plum 锅巴 rice crust 瓜子 melon seed 冰棒(冰果) ice(frozen) sucker 冰淇凌ice cream 防腐剂preservative 圣代冰淇淋 sundae 巧克力豆 marble chocolate barley 布丁pudding
与食品有关的词语(some words about food):
炸 fired 炝 quick boiled 烩 braise (烩牛舌 braised ox tongue) 烤 roast 饱嗝 burp 饱了 饱的 full stuffed 解渴quench thirst (形容食物变坏spoil spoilage) preservative 防腐剂 expiration date 产品有效期 (形容酒品好: a good strong brew 绝味酿 )
应各位要求补充的中式西式食物
Monday, May 10, 2010
边城
我 很喜欢边城可能是因为我最喜欢又简单又安静的生活。为什么我喜欢这样的生活?是因为我想太多了。我需要去一个安静的地方,这样就可以听我自己的声音。如果 “Border Town"真是“边城”的意思,就好。这个名字引发了我的思考。我的中文词汇太小了,所以我怕不能清楚地表达我的意思。
我 觉得在每人的日常生活里有很多事情有边界。。比如说,我是你的老师,也是你的朋友。边界在哪儿?我老是想这个问题。在美国,如果我是你的老师,当你的朋友 就不合适,别人一定就会说我。写这样的公日记,让你们知道我的想法也不合适。但是我觉得我的情况有点特别。这是中国,文化不一样。而且,你们和我差不多一 样大。
我给你们说,虽然我爱教书,有时候我希望我只是你们的朋友。可能你已经知道,我非常像一个小孩儿,我只喜欢去出玩儿,只喜欢开玩 笑,只喜欢说屁话。虽然你是学生,我是老师,我只喜欢想我们都平等。没有边界,就好。(所以,我们说话的时候,放心吧,别紧张。。虽然你担心你英语说得不 好,相信我一定不会笑你!无论你说得好不好,我都会喜欢你哦!)
不过,有人说,如果我想你们尊敬我,有边界,就好,特别上课的时候。对我来说,这件事很复杂。有时候我不能看到我们的边界因为你们经常保护我或者欺负我(其实,都可以!)但是我很想当一个很好的老师,也很想当一个很好的朋友。怎么办呢?我一直希望都可能。
在安静的边城,我想想了我们的关系,开始意识到了真可能。希望你同意!=)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
疼爱
明天下午我的学生们会带我去他们的老家,秀山。我有点担心因为可能上火车的人太多了,不能坐。站起五个小时?不会呀?!呵呵,啊,其实我觉得感觉不舒服只是个小问题,真没事。我非常兴奋因为我很想离开这里,想去看重庆的其他的地方。
最近,虽然一个情况有点尴尬,我的中国生活越来越好。我的学生们和同事们对我很好,我们交流越来越多。我和几个人成为了很好朋友。有时后我认真感觉住在这里对我比较合适。我感觉我真是个中国人!可能是因为中国文化和夏威夷文化差不多。中国人和夏威夷人很喜欢帮助其他的人,让朋友感觉很特别。
当然我想我家人和同学们,但是我想回国事情的时候,就感觉很伤心。。。
但我知道我不能永远留在这里。。。
所以我觉得每天都我应该享受,不浪费时间。
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
gained in translation II
I was chatting with a student on QQ, and we were talking about the hula. As happens when the sentences get complicated, I turned to Google Translator for help.
我好羡慕那些跳hula的啊 那个屁股 扭得好有力啊 像装的马达一样
你能跳么? ---->
"I envied those that ass jump twist hula, ah, ah, like powerful well as installation of the motor
What can you jump?"
LMAO!!!!!! Yeah Google!!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
gained in translation
"泡咖啡让你暖手想挡挡你心口里的风" --->"Coffee to warm her you want to block the mouth of the wind in your heart"
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
好拘束哦
1) 我最近不想和你在一起。。我们在一起的时候,你让我感觉不高兴。要是我先高兴,然后听你的话 ,我就成为郁闷。不知道为什么。 以前好像我们的关系最好的,但现在我们没有太多话。我门的看法不同。我很喜欢这个生活,没注意不好的东西。不过我们说话的时候,我们只说脏话。 为什么我也说这样?我和你在一起的时候,我不知道怎么做,不会说真的,不会做诚实的。好拘束哦。
2)我和最师的理发师的关系也很拘束。上个月我和他常常聊天,开玩笑了。每次我去理发店到了,他给我按摩,说讨情的话。可我和其他的理发师们刚才成为好朋友了。 我和他们去打羽毛球,互相帮助学习语言。所以我有空的时,我去那个理发店玩玩。但现在呢,我到那的时,他非常严肃,非常沉默。为什么??? 他有什么问题??? 我有什么问题??? 也好拘束哦!!
说不定,我还没学好中国年轻的文化哦!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
play play play
我刚才很忙。 忙着什么? 玩玩哦。 哈哈!
So busy playing badminton and ping pong...
and I have to admit, I'm not too bad, especially at ping pong. I think it's because I've been tapping into some kind of supernatural source of energy, so it's as if my reflexes are on crack. Still though, I get my ass kicked far too often. But whatever, it's fun, and it's definitely giving me another reason to fall further in love with China. :)
Mmhmm, my maturity level has definitely regressed. 我和小孩子差不多一样的!
但,我认为我的学生们觉得这样比较好哦。
不过,有时后我担心他们觉得我太疯了。 哈哈
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
the sins of snootiness and sanctimony
First off, in regard to US international aid organizations, I knew World Vision was big, but I didn't know it was the biggest!! I guess it's really not that surprising, as who funnels more donations than churches?
Here's the part of the article that lends it its title:
Mr. Stearns argues that evangelicals were often so focused on sexual morality and a personal relationship with God that they ignored the needy. He writes laceratingly about “a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics.”
In one striking passage, Mr. Stearns quotes the prophet Ezekiel as saying that the great sin of the people of Sodom wasn’t so much that they were promiscuous or gay as that they were “arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” (Ezekiel 16:49.)
Hmm. Imagine if sodomy laws could be used to punish the stingy, unconcerned rich!
And here's Kristof's piece-of-cake solution... it's more idealistic and preachy than anything, but I wonder if he has a point:
A root problem is a liberal snobbishness toward faith-based organizations. Those doing the sneering typically give away far less money than evangelicals. They’re also less likely to spend vacations volunteering at, say, a school or a clinic in Rwanda.
If secular liberals can give up some of their snootiness, and if evangelicals can retire some of their sanctimony, then we all might succeed together in making greater progress against common enemies of humanity, like illiteracy, human trafficking and maternal mortality.
denial
Luckily, I teach only one class. I got a warning from the secretary not to be late because the administration is going to be making sure all of the teachers get to class in time. Hah! Let's hope "The Book Thief" doesn't keep me up all night again so that I can get up early enough.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
another familiar stranger
For the past week, ever since shops started to reopen, I've been trying to avoid passing the hair salon. Will the happy hair man remember me? I was afraid to find out. We ended things awkwardly, with me turning down his BBQ beef stick because of some serious stomach issues.
I was getting anxious because I inevitably have to pass there every day to get my grub on, and until today, no happy hair man appeared. Is he the same kind of migrant worker in Leslie Chang's book? The kind that switches careers and life plans (and salons?) after the holiday to signify a fresh beginning? Again, I was afraid to find out.
Today he was there! I saw my handsome happy hair man!
After spending the afternoon listening to Sashamon (making Rach a reggae mix!), I went to buy a box of chocolate milk from the store, and he was heading down the alley as I was coming up. I was busy jamming my straw into the box when I heard a loud, "HELLO!"
Who the hell says "hello" around here? This time, I wasn't afraid of the answer.
Turns out he had just gotten back to Lidu. Da buttafly on my shoulda was suddenly the butterfly in my stomach.
ohhhhh snap.
a familiar stranger
But whatever, I'll be back from July 29 to August 15, fahh real, yo.
I'm excited. Family, doggy, friends, Kam's wedding, the beach, tennis, spam musubi, toilets that flush down toilet paper, no spittle and baby shit on sidewalks...
At the same time though, I'm a little nervous.
I'm not going to belong. I won't understand the people I love. They won't understand me.
Like a 13,ooo year old Chinese migrant (see below), I'm an outsider everywhere I go.
Strangely, I don't feel lonely here, even though I'm more alone than ever (I prefer the term "independent," haha). But will the loneliness sink in once I'm in the company of a life that's no longer mine? The irony that rules my days is nodding is ugly head.
As the migrants in today's Dongguan know, losing your cell phone often means losing your friends. "The easiest thing in the world is to lose touch with someone," Leslie Change notes repeatedly in her book Factory Girls: From Village to City in a Changing China. This quote knifed me every time because it kept reminding me of how my Verizon phone doesn't work this far up the Yangtze, and also of the fact that I've verbally spoken to only 4 friends in the whole time I've been here. Damn you, Facebook, for making "keeping in touch" far too easy to be taken for granted. But anyway, I wonder if "finding" your cell phone can also mean finding your friends? Or rather, if a working phone will translate into working friendships?
A vital wound made by Factory Girls:
"It is not a new story. The ache of the traveler returning home is a classic theme in Chinese literature. One of the first poem a school child learns, from the eighth century, is about a man who goes back to his village after a lifetime away, to find that he no longer belongs.
I left home as a youth, and as an old man returned,
My accent unchanged but my temples turned gray.
The children see me but don't know who I am,
Laughing, they ask where the stranger is from."
Shoot, if any little kid laughs and asks where I'm from, I will cry.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Humbled by Hessler
I tend to think books can change the world, that words set change into motion. But should change be the purpose of writing? After half a year of Peace Corps service, a humbling experience in and of itself, I can't say that I entirely disagree with Peter Hessler's opinion on this matter:
taken from http://urbanatomy.com/index.php/arts/why-i-write/2770-why-i-write-peter-hessler
Does writing change anything?
To be honest, I don’t care, not in the strictest sense. I’ve never been a political person; I tend to get bored when people talk about policy and big-picture things. I suppose that my time in the Peace Corps made me more realistic about a person’s impact, and more cynical about a certain type of idealism.
But Americans are attached to this idea, especially with regard to the developing world. You look at the books that sell well in the States, the best-selling books about poor places, and they tend to be about a foreigner who is trying to save people. You have Three Cups of Tea or Mountains Beyond Mountains. Individually these books can be great, and they tell important stories, but it concerns me a little that this approach tends to dominate the bestseller readership with regard to the developing world. The other main option is books about atrocities – child soldiers, or sex slaves, or things like that.
I wonder about the impact of these books, and I wonder about the vision they promote of the developing world. Americans seem to read these books and conclude: Thank God I was born in the good old U.S. of A. instead of in some crazy country like this. Or they think, We really need to fix these places. They conclude that if you’re going to live overseas, you need to be either a saint or insane. There’s no sense of normal life in a developing country – no sense that you might live in one of these places and have an enjoyable life, and make friends you respect and like. Obviously, there are some countries where it’s just not possible to live a normal life, because things are so troubled – but these places tend to dominate our perception of the world; they are represented disproportionately.
As a result there’s no real connection with the people, not in terms of understanding them and being able to put yourself in their shoes. These books don’t come out of a deep anthropological instinct. The basic interest is more along the lines of changing the world than understanding the world. But this has always been the classic American weakness beyond its borders. People want to get involved, and they want to change the world, but they don’t want to be patient. And they aren’t inclined to grant others the dignity of figuring out their own path.
One thing I liked about being in China was that I couldn’t over-estimate my significance, either as a teacher or as a writer. When I arrived with the Peace Corps, the country was clearly going its own way, and that’s still the case. Foreigners have some impact, but they aren’t guiding the country, and it’s not a playground for NGOs like so many parts of the world. The state-level stuff is of questionable value. When a head of state like Obama goes to Beijing, he’s performing certain rituals that are part of big-picture politics, but he’s not making a lot of earth-shattering decisions that will change China. In a sense, he has a lot less leeway than a migrant going to Dongguan looking for a factory job. So as a writer you’re best off sticking with that migrant or somebody like him; you should try to understand Chinese people. You try to figure out their stories and their motivations, and you try to write in an artful way. As far as I’m concerned, that’s enough. Good writing should enlighten and entertain, and it should have some quality of art. But it doesn’t have to change policy or raise funds for a cause. Plenty of other people are trying to change the world, often in heavy-handed ways that do as much harm as good.
But perhaps Jung Chang, author of the fantastic Wild Swans, gave the best answer:
Does writing change anything?
Yes, my life.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
huo mai le (buried alive)
I500 MORE words to learn before November.
I thought I knew a lot more than I actually do, but after an assessment I realized that the characters I do know just pop up frequently. Bastard.
All this anticipated effort makes me wonder how much I'd really like to stay an additional year to study. Am I just afraid of going back? Already I dread Skype conferences because nobody understands me. I guess I didn't realize that the PC was going to make me a permanent misfit on both sides of the dateline.
But on the other hand, I'd like to stay because I'm determined to fit here. This is home now. Buried alive.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Female Factor
I <3 the Cambodian slideshow.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
To Read: Nonfiction
2. "When the Rivers Run Dry" by Fred Pearce
3. "Country Driving" by Peter Hessler
4. "Oracle Bones" by Peter Hessler
5. "This Bridge Called My Back" by Gloria A
6. "Dangerous Liasons" by Anne McClintock
7. "Scattered Hegemonies" by Inderpal Grewal
8. "Decentering the Center" by Uma Narayan
9. "Global Critical Race Feminism" by Adrien Wing
10. "Descent Into Chaos" by Ahmed Rashid
11. "The Year That Changed the World" by Michael Meyer
12. "Gender Violence" by Sally Engle Merry
13. "Global Feminisms" by Aili Mari Tripp
To Read: The "Classics"
2. "Fathers and Sons" by Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev
3. "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
4. "Animal Farm" by George Orwell
5. "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley
6. "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath
7. "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka
8. "The Outsider" by Albert Camus
9. "Don Quixote" by Miguel Cervantes
To Read: Literature
2. "If on a Winter's Night a Traveler" by Italo Calvino
3. "Kafka on the Shore" by Haruki Marukami
4. "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" by Haruki Marukami
5. "The White Tiger" by Aravind Adiga
6. "The Inheritance of Loss" by Kiran Desai
7. "The Promise" by Chaim Potok
8. "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith
9. "Waiting" by Ha Jin
10. "The Life and Times of Michael K" by JM Coetzee
11."Let the Great World Spin" by Colum McCann
12. "Zoli" by Colum McCann
13."The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver
14. "The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz
15. "Diary of a Madman" by Lu Xun
16. "Say You're One of Them" by Uwem Akpan
Daughter of Fortune
Since then I've read several of her works, the best of which has been House of Spirits. Allende's got this special way of mixing magic and history, and I can't get enough of it, even though her last few books, including Daughter of Fortune, has left unsatisfied my crave for her wizardry.
Set in the mid-nineteenth century, Daughter of Fortune chronicles the life of Eliza Sommers, a British-Chilean orphan, as she abandons her rigid, upper-class world in Valparaiso for the gold-crazed California. Typical of Allende, this heroine's reason for doing so is love... or at least, the illusion of love.
After learning she is pregnant, Eliza secretly leaves her stern aunt and uncle to locate her lover, a gold-hungry peasant with revolutionary ideals. She barely survives the harrowing journey to California, a land made chaotic and seemingly unprincipled by the waves of newcomers looking for wealth. It's in this land of "freedom" that Allende explores issues of gender and race. Eliza, who for her own safety dresses like a man, slowly finds her yearning for lost lover replaced by that for her best friend, Tao Chi'en, an eastern medicine practitioner who's calling in life is to rescue young Chinese women from San Francisco's brothels.
The story really is fantastic, and it's packed with all the things I love in a novel: romance, adventure, history and politics. But it contains only an ounce of magical realism, which is Allende's forte, and the main reason why I so admire her. There's less fire, less poetry.. and it's just not as beautiful as it should have been.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Because I want to see people and I want to see life
My goals are the same: I want to go to grad school, teach at a university, and work with trafficked women in Asia, but then, when all that is over, all I really want is to run a bookshop. That would make me so happy.
"..because I want to see people and I want to see life..."
My little store will be the definition of cozy - nothing at all like Barnes and Noble. Instead of wallpaper, the insides would be lined with shelves of used books, all of which members could borrow. I'd sell new one's, too, including works by local poets, novelists and academics. The shop would be just big enough to fit a bunch of comfy sofas, bean bags and coffee tables. And there will be a cafe and bar, where in the evenings there will be poetry readings and hot people making music with their guitars.
I'd like to do this when my kids are grown and I'm content with reclining for good at home in Hawaii.... but imagine if this were to happen in Asia where there's a decent-sized expat community? Staffed with women trained upon leaving shelters?
"Driving in your car, I never never want to go home, because I haven't got one anymore......."
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Road
I read Cormac McCarthy's The Road during Peace Corps In-service Training following a book exchange with Victoria. I didn't think it was possible to swap a book comparable to Arundhati Roy's God of Small Things, which she loved, by the way, but Victoria did not disappoint. We were busy as hell with day-long workshops, and in my much needed downtime, I'd shut my hotel room door on all the merrymaking across the hall and read. This was the perfect book in which to throw my weary, anti-social soul.
McCarthy immediately drops the reader into a dying America. Bandits and murderers roam the Road, on which layers of ash cover the shells of vegetation and half-eaten human corpses. A nuclear catastrophe? McCarthy never says, but such details of this man-made disaster pale in significance to the story that follows an unnamed man and his son as they wheel their shopping cart of belongings toward what they hope is safety.
"The blackness he woke to on those nights was sightless and impenetrable. A blackness to hurt your ears with listening. Often he had to get up. No sound but the wind in the bare blackened trees. He rose and stood tottering in that cold autistic dark with his arms outheld for balance while the vestibular calculations in his skull cranked out their reckonings. An old chronicle."
What I found most remarkable was McCarthy's portrayal of the relationship between the man and his son. The man did whatever it took to protect his son, even at the risk of alienating himself from his son's affection, showing the simultaneous strength and fragility of the bond between parent and child.
McCarthy's parsimonious prose left room for me to internalize a sense of doom in the fear, anguish and desperation of these two emaciated survivors. However, he was, best of all, careful to do no more than nudge me toward a discovery of the faith that one cannot help but have, even in a humanity that barely exists.
alone?
I don't want to rework another person into our habits.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
bum
Nothing is open around here. The buses aren't even running.
Street BBQ and oatmeal are the only food options around here, and the former keeps giving me the doots, although that's a problem I've had for the last month. (wtf is wrong w/ me????!!! I bet I've flushed my brains down the toilet by now!!!)
I need to do something else but read, sleep and download movies I don't get around to watching.
I should study.. something. I should go for a walk, at least. But I can't think, can't move, can't do anything. Because I'm a bum.
And because, for the love of God, I just want to be in Cambodia.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Lidu love, for real this time
This afternoon I felt better... well enough to get my hair washed. =P But because Ming Fa Xuan was closed today, Rach and I went to another shop across the school gate. Zhuang Jiaohao, the guy who did my hair, was, once again, a looker, and once again, took forever to do my hair. Turns out he went to massage school a few years ago, so when I asked for a massage, he gave me a half hour face, scalp, neck and shoulder massage - no extra charge, baby. Then he asked for my QQ number. Then when I bumped into him later in the evening, he tried to buy me a meat stick. LMAO. Too bad I had to tell him "no thanks, I have diarrhea." HAAAh.
I think moments like these are the reward of 4 months of trying in vain to be part of the Lidu community. After months of shallow greetings shared with nameless vendors, I finally feel connected. Finally, I have friends who are not also my students. Finally, I have crushes on men who do not currently reside in the US (yes, finally I've let go of the past). And finally, happiness isn't solely contingent on what I'm doing, but also partly on where I am, because my God, I love Lidu.
But too bad this little breakthrough is happening when I must leave for a month. Things change so fast here... restaurants come and go without warning (never got to say goodbye to the Muslim noodle man), and I worry that upon returning I will feel as lost as ever.
Monday, January 11, 2010
pretty much chinese
As much as possible, I tried to live as the person I look like: a Chinese college student.
I stopped all my reading, I nearly stopped frequenting my internet haunts, and as much as possible, I stopped speaking, and even thinking, in English. Instead, I filled my time with Chinese soap operas, QQ chat sessions, bumming around at Du Li's lotion shop, attempting to flirt in Chinese with the hair boys, downloading Lin Ju Jie songs, eating spicy dumpling soup with Huang's mom and son at her dumpling shop, and buying way too much crap that I don't need, if only to get a good conversation out of the vendor.
As hard as this little experiment was, it's been damn fun.
Something is definitely happening here. I can sense some kind of change in me, in my status here as an outsider. I think I am finally part of the community. I think I finally belong.
Whether or not I really do, I don't know, but I think what matters is that I feel like I belong.
Heck, I even catch myself thinking that I wouldn't mind being what everyone mistakes me for. But then, I wouldn't be me, and the real me can't go long without reading, Gmail, and the English language.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
happy hair man #2
But because my hair wash took an hour (!!), I was still there when he came in, and he did end up giving me that hair wash for free =) Too bad I couldn't understand his explanation for why.
I swear, the hair washer, happy hair man #2, has magic in his hands. He gave me a dry wash with a scalp and neck massage. ohhhhhhh. Heaven heaven heaven.
This is my new hobby. As a VIP (lmao), a hair wash will cost me only 5RMB (like 80 cents) in the future.
I will be back on Thursday. mmmmmmm :) Fuck flowers and chocolate, the way to this girl's heart is her hair.
(apparently, the chemicals have caused permanent brain damage)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
new years resolution: think
Not a good thing for an aspiring activist and scholar.
It's just that sometimes only thinking feels so useless, and in my impatience to see change, I change.
I just read the first chapter of Mahmood Mamdani's Saviors and Survivors: Darfur, Politics, and the War on Terror, in which he critiques the Save Darfur Coalition, the very organization that got me interested in politics.
It brings back memories of my high school excursion to the Holocaust Museum, and how upon exiting, my face still wet with tears, I eagerly purchased a bunch of green "Save Darfur" bracelets from the gift shop, determined to do something in order to remedy the guilt of privilege, of being able to simply view a history of the horrific, by actively being part of something grand and moral.
I never really looked past this coalition's grand narratives of "never again," etc. and thus did not see the implications of failing to contextualize and understand the conflict in Darfur, or even to recognize the politics of power in naming certain violent "events" genocide.
This failure on my part is a personal lesson I hope to translate to my impulse to defend, to help, "to save," women from gender violence. Think, Kacie, think. The first step toward doing the right thing is to avoid doing the wrong thing.
i heart the happy hair man
The only drawback: the chemicals definitely seeped into my brains because I ended up developing a huge crush on my hair stylist. WTF? haha. One reason is that I seriously don't get out enough: the only dudes my age that I've been able to look at for more than a few minutes at a time are my students, and the line there impenetrable. So being able to look at this dude (hair styling is "men's work" here) for the better part of my day was quite a relief. Plus he smiled the entire time. The default face in Fuling is hardly ever a smile, so this was a real treat.
But what really got to me was when it came time to flat iron my hair. As he'd run the flat iron through my hair, he'd gently blow off the steam from the roots to the tips, over and over and over. Who the fuck does that??? After five hours of being in mirror land with him, I was completely hypnotized. When he was done, I stumbled to the cash register, where he successfully convinced me to buy a VIP card and to return on Monday for a hair wash. WTF. I wonder how long a hair wash could possibly take? :P Clearly, I am intimacy starved. Not a good thing.