stigmatism

The stigmatism in my left eye is really messing me up. Making me so so so DIZZY!!

Maybe the only reason why my vision is ultra blurry now is because for the past week I've been hiding out in my apartment working on one aspect or another of the FIVE grad school apps I'm currently filling out. Yikes, to think sane people actually do apply to more schools than that!

It's still early in the game but I want to make these babies sparkle as much as I can before school starts. This year I am determined to do more as a volunteer. Last year was all about adjusting and having fun... this year, I MUST try to do something "impactful," because if I don't I'm going to go back to America and have to live out the rest of my life knowing that I didn't do crap as a volunteer. Who wants to live with that kind of regret????

So, on September 13, my women's leadership group will begin. Who will be in it? Where will we meet? Which female hero will provide the inspiration? I have no clue. All that's set is the date... in fact, I JUST NOW randomly chose this date, simply to make a public commitment (never mind that no one actually reads this) so that I actually DO IT. And yes, I have commitment issues!

Also, environmental and AIDS awareness lessons are in the line up for this year's Oral English classes. And a prom or winter ball? Movie night? Maybe doing a Turbo Jam or Zumba (first I have to learn) class once the weather cools?

Oh, and just for me, I seriously want to learn kung fu.

ACTIVE is my theme for this semester.

So that is why I am killing myself on grad apps so early on. They say the second year of PC service is supposed to fly by, but how can that be so when I will be waiting with sweaty palms til fricken APRIL to find out where I'll be going??? I am trippin, better go rest these eyes!

tell the angels

another one for the kingdom =)

i now have ample energy to eat, pray, love. =)

btw, i will play balinese medicine girl and live with a smile on my face.

the space between

Summer is a space between.

Hawaii was a compact space of sentimentality and splendid chaos.

But now I am back, and finally, I have found a week-long stretch of pure peace. It was an embodiment of space with nothing in it, a void, and I was free to fill it up with whatever I wanted.

I lost the days, mixing up my Mondays for Wednesdays, not caring at all about time. Alas, there is nowhere I must go, nothing I must do. I enjoy waking up to an empty dawn, watching back to back episodes of "What I Like About You" (a TV series I always wanted to watch when I was in high school, but never had the time), reading novels, eating cold noodles with students at Jiejie's shop, house cleaning, working out, eating take out kungpao chicken, and watching movies. In the meantime, my grad school apps are being filled, my essays are being written, my sanity somehow preserved. I can't imagine doing this without a space between as wide as the one I'm in now. :)

Life is good :)

"Run and tell the angels that everything's alright..."

"veiled threats?"

Martha Nussbaum: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/11/veiled-threats/

melancholy fire

It's 6:30 pm and behind the ever gray sky, the sun still burns. It is a damp 91 degrees. Lord help me.

A half hour of Facebook voyeurism has left me depressed. I ended up on some Waiakea friends' pages and saw, on the basis of status updates and pictures, where their lives are now. They are in steady relationships, have stable jobs and lead exciting social lives. Of course, all that's to be expected, and I am both happy for and envious of them. What the heck am I doing in China? Having the time of my life, that's for sure, but part of me feels like I ought to be maturing in step with my classmates. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, I have no "real" job, and my social life is built entirely around people I may never see again after my stint here is done.

Also, thoughts of a certain person burn like coal in my heart. My position makes this fire impossible, and so it rages. I think he knows that I know. But what can I do? Anyway, he is gone for the summer.

the value of words

Writing is that means by which the world values the Way, but writing is no more than words and words, too, have value. Meaning is what gives value to words, but meaning is dependent on something. What meaning depends on cannot be expressed in language, yet the world transmits writing because it values language. Although the world values writing, I, for my part, do not think it worthy of being valued, because what is valued is not what is really valuable.

- Chuang Tzu, quoted in Peter Hessler's Oracle Bones

一起加油

我在改写作课的试卷和笔记本。有点累，但是马上就改完了，就可以继续耍，也可以开始认真的准备我国家的考研，GRE。过几个星期和平队要派我去开县 教英语两个星期。以前我以为他们会派我去垫江，不过今天他们跟我说要换地方。（所以如果你是开县人，我就找你哦！）然后七月底我要回过看望我家人，两三个 星期后就回来。

最近我心情和平时不一样因为压力比较大。我很怕 GRE 哦！期末快到了，所以现在你们的压力也比较大。可能你会了解我！必须准备很多东西，但是只想做很多其他的事，只想去很多地方玩，只想陪朋友耍，只想吃很多 好吃的（哈哈）什么的。。时间真不够哦！这周我每天都在我办公室，一边改作业，一边读书，感觉越来越讨厌。我真的感谢你几个朋友陪我吃饭，散步和开玩笑。 如果没有你，我一定就变更疯了。

而且感谢你大三学生们。我也在看你们写的信，真让我又快乐！我让你们写一封信的时候，以为你们会写中国文 化或者学英语的事情。不过你们写了很意义也很甜蜜的话。我觉得在信里，你们说的话是个特别的礼物。很希望给每个人回答所以你们都可以知道我怎么感动了。这 样的宝比钱好哦。。所以虽然当老师不会赚很多钱，也有时候有点困难，在老师生活里这样的感谢是最好的。我觉得如果我永远能听你们的话，我一定就会一直高 兴，一直微笑。

许多你们马上要离开这里出去试教。知道你们都有点紧张，不太兴奋。。但是放心。。你们的学生一定会爱你们，他们会被你们有灵感的。我非常相信你们！加油！

其实，无论你是个大三，大二，大一，毕业了学生或者老师，我们都应该加油！

但是现在我不能加油。我要睡觉。哈哈 好梦！