under constant revision

finally accessed!

2010-10-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

Finally back on this!

For the longest time I couldn't get my blog to load. :(

So much has happened!

Went to Xi'an, got swept up in a sea of people, and discovered within myself a great fascination with ancient Chinese history. Will have to write more on that later!

Also, shoooooot, I REALLY like Xie.

We just click. Usually when I'm in the beginning stages of a relationship with someone I can pick out the things that should hold me back... but he comes so close to perfect. The only imperfection is not his fault at all.. it's that we come from two different worlds. What's going to happen next year? I don't even want to think about it!

xiexie, xie

2010-09-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

My first date with Xie Haoxin just ended.
It went well, I think, aside from the fact that I had to seriously work to understand what he was saying. I hope I didn't bore him by forcing him to talk in simple Chinese.

I 'm definitely a little uneasy. First of all, as I've already implied, he doesn't speak English. Secondly, he's a freakin student. Yeah, I know, this could be very wrong. I've been trying to justify it - he's not MY student, he's not even in my department, he's only one year younger, this town is made up of students (who else am I going to date? the teachers are way older than me!), he's mature, he understands my concern.....he bought me sushi...

Thirdly, I have less than a year left, and most of my time is on reserve for MY students...

But he's cute. And patient with me and my crappy Chinese. And it's just been so damn long since I've felt this way about anybody....

"Where Boys Are Prized, Girls Live the Part"

2010-09-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

Excellent, interesting article about the liberation of being who you are not.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/21/world/asia/21gender.html?ref=world

Redefining gender in some parts of the world is more than a political statement - it can be an economic necessity.

pioneers

2010-09-16T02:46:00.001-07:00

The women's group was a success!!
The pioneers: Zinna, Emily, Alice, Angel, Jenny, Tiny, Sophie, Lily, Tracy and yours truly.

We began with dinner - food always helps break the tension. By the time these girls licked their plates clean, they were buds.

We then defined a "pioneer" as someone who paves paths for others to follow. We talked about risk-taking, and how all of them are taking a risk to "kaoyan" or take the grad school entrance exams. They gave up their teaching internships to do this, and are very nervous, but now at least we'll be able to be there for and support each other.

We also talked about my personal fav, Jane Addams, who rose from being a sickly child to founding one of, if not THE, first settlement houses in the US, and then who sacrificed the reputation she built to speak out for world peace, at a time when not supporting the US cause in WWI was considered anti-American.

The discussions ended up being really interesting, with everyone contributing ideas and sharing personal experiences. I didn't think they would be willing to be so open with everyone, and I am just hoping I will be as willing as they are to bare my soul.

I think because I spent the entire day cleaning every nook and cranny of my apartment, I was exhausted by the time they left. But still, it was the best kind of exhaustion - the time you can take with you to bed. =)

floss

2010-09-13T08:11:00.001-07:00

I am addicted to dental floss.

Something just feels amiss in my mouth if I don't dig out the day's grinds.

I never used to floss before I got two cavities filled here (which was not as bad as I had feared). But now I do it every night. Yes, I AM proud of myself for picking up a good habit for once in my life.

I'm also trying not to chew gum. But I crave it. I CRAVE it! Yet my irrational fear of any dentist who is not my uncle is enough to make me quit.

It's funny, the things fear can make you do...

florida to egypt to oh sh*t

2010-09-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

I just saw this really interesting blurb on a podcast from one of the major news organizations about the role of the media in the whole Quran burning incident. By covering that idiot Florida pastor's incendiary claims, did the media turn him into a celebrity, and contribute to pissing off Muslims in the Middle East, ultimately putting US troops in danger? Will shout outs from Petraeus and Obama and financial donations from other idiot fanatics inspire copycats?

According to this news station, this pastor had already gathered quite a following on Facebook, attracting an Egyptian newspaper's attention, immediately inciting protests. It was only then that the big American news organizations picked the story up. According to them, they simply couldn't ignore a story like this. To NOT cover the protests and the risk US soldiers are now in, and to fail to trace it back to the man who started it out would be simply irresponsible. hmmm...... There's a spectacle, then it's covered, causing another spectacle, then it's covered, causing yet another spectacle.....

Teachers' Day

2010-09-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

It's Teachers' Day in the PRC!

I wish we had a holiday like that back in the states. I just love it when students take the time to actually think about all that goes into making a class happen. =) I swear, if I ever make it back to grad school, I'm going to lavish my profs with gratitude. Brown-noser, I know =P

In a lil bit KT and I are going to celebrate the holiday AND our first week of school with Luna & Co. at the tang guo restaurant. A few weeks ago I bumped into that waitress with the permanent scowl. "Ayi, ni hao!" I said, and what did I get back in return? A scowl. And a look that seemed to ask, "why the hell are you calling me Ayi?" Haha but I still love her if only because of the delicious food she serves.

Other news: Tyler might come to visit! I am hope hope hope that he'll be able to make it. He's my only hope--- the only one from home who seriously wants to check out China. To be able to take him around and show him my community would be SUCH a cool thing!

deadbeat

2010-09-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

"Kacie, is 'deadbeat' a dorky word?" Hehe I love Yang.

Well, today was a bit crazy. Teaching three 90 min classes with chalk dust plastered onto my perpetually perspiring face is exhausting. I am definitely beat. A deadbeat with sore feet who had to teach in the crazy heat.

Surprisingly, I really like my culture classes, big as they are. :) They are surprisingly manageable.

Katy and I celebrated our first two days of jam-packed classes with hot bowls of noodles and cold beer. SO delicious, and in such good company. Thank you, Lord, for sending me such an easygoing site mate!

semester 3, day 1: what i like about you

2010-09-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

My first classes of my third semester here began today. From 2:30 to 6pm I put on my "I'm From Hawaii Show" for two different classes of very confused sophomores. Yessmams, this chick ain't Chinese.

I think this semester will be a good one. Today's students were a little shy but after my Haka dance they started to open up a bit. :P I'm a little worried about tomorrow's classes... in the morning I have another Oral English class, but in the afternoon I have two sections of Culture classes, each with 70+ students. I don't know why the department decided to double up our classes this semester! I am a little freaked out. I mean, CRAP that IS a LOT of students!!!!! :/

In other news, my obsession with "What I Like About You" is official. It's just so damn funny. And I get an extra kick out of it because my students say I look and act like Amanda Bynes. Of course I would only come up to her boobs, which are much bigger than mine, and she has the Cauc- to my Asian, but what the hell, I kind of do see a little of myself in her.

I was watching another episode while munching on my sweet and sour pork leftovers, and Val's sickeningly sweet engagement really got to me. I don't know why I'm all sentimental and stuff right now, but it probably has something to do with the fact that this is the longest I have ever not been in a relationship. It's a good thing, I guess, because I don't know how a relationship would be possible here anyway. But you would have thought that after all this time, I would be over that one fool who once drove me crazy enough to write poetry. I AM over him, because I definitely think he's poison to my happiness, but little things - like FB flirting with MY friends - still get to me. Why does he do it????? Why do I care???????

Ohhhhhhhh. China.

midweek weekends

2010-09-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

Got my teaching schedule - no class on Wednesdays and Thursdays! Boooyah!

I'm a little peeved at having FIVE Oral English classes, but other than that, I really like my schedule.

I'm still a little fuzzy from the banquet in Fuling we just got back from. But I feel like I just crossed a major threshold. I understood all of the Mandarin table talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

too many shots of grad caffeine

2010-09-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

every time i log onto thegradcafe i start to freak out.

this is going to be a LONG six months!! :/

Chengdu

2010-09-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

Traveling in these parts of China is STRESSFUL.

I nearly missed my one-a-day bus to Chengdu because I couldn't get a ride from campus to the station in Fuling. The buses, for some reason, weren't stopping at our school, so I had to go out to the main road, and then they still wouldn't stop to pick up people!!! I was freaking out, so this girl I had just met dragged me down to Ma'an to uncover the source of the snubbery. Turns out the entire town wanted to get to Fuling! Kids moving in to their boarding schools, parents who work in town, etc. etc. They piled into each and every bus, filling them way beyond capacity. Finally I shoved my way onto one of those illegal mini buses and made it to Fuling on time.

Now, if only I had known that getting to town would take twice as long, I would have left much earlier and wouldn't have developed a near ulcer from worrying all morning.

Aside from that mini fiasco, Chengdu was SO great! I seriously love that city, and if I had to live anywhere in China, it would be in Chengdu. I got to see a bit of Christian and Tim, and was reminded once again that HOLY CRAP, WE HAVE LESS THAN A YEAR LEFT! I don't know whether to be happy or sad. It's a bit of both, I guess. I like my site, but I am ready to start grad school!!! Of course, if I get into anywhere!

The best part of being in Chengdu was seeing Elaine and Matt. We ate at the Tibetan Elephant Restaurant - not a fan of butter milk, but yak is yummy! They took me back to their palace and then we went to eat shadow ice... it's like shaved ice, but much softer - in fact, it's incredibly soft, I honestly don't know how they make it!

But I am back in Ma'an and am comforted by the thought that for the next month or so I won't have to go anywhere. What happened to adventurous Kacie who liked to travel?????

bath water

2010-08-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

I met my new site mate today. She is pretty fricken awesome =)
She's got a positive attitude and a lot of spunk - I can tell she's going to be a hit here!

In other news, it's the start of chapter 5 billion in my fat ass book of bathroom problems. The shower drain is plugged now, and I was told to let it sit for a few days to see if the water goes down. If it doesn't, then they'll have to replace the entire bath tub!!!! The worst part is that I'm going to Chengdu the day after tomorrow, and my waiban wants to wait until AFTER I get back to do anything.

That means tonight, tomorrow night, and perhaps for a few nights next week I'm going to have to stand in FILTHY water when I shower. And I have blisters on my feet. Flesh eating disease, anyone? ACK!

=P

2010-08-26T06:03:00.001-07:00

sometimes i wish i could be more classy.

just to look like i know what i'm doing.

Norwegian Recycling

2010-08-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

Yessssir, I've got a healthy appetite for reconstruction.

Btw, I am reading Madame Bovary and it is GOOD. Such a familiar theme.

stigmatism

2010-08-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

The stigmatism in my left eye is really messing me up. Making me so so so DIZZY!!

Maybe the only reason why my vision is ultra blurry now is because for the past week I've been hiding out in my apartment working on one aspect or another of the FIVE grad school apps I'm currently filling out. Yikes, to think sane people actually do apply to more schools than that!

It's still early in the game but I want to make these babies sparkle as much as I can before school starts. This year I am determined to do more as a volunteer. Last year was all about adjusting and having fun... this year, I MUST try to do something "impactful," because if I don't I'm going to go back to America and have to live out the rest of my life knowing that I didn't do crap as a volunteer. Who wants to live with that kind of regret????

So, on September 13, my women's leadership group will begin. Who will be in it? Where will we meet? Which female hero will provide the inspiration? I have no clue. All that's set is the date... in fact, I JUST NOW randomly chose this date, simply to make a public commitment (never mind that no one actually reads this) so that I actually DO IT. And yes, I have commitment issues!

Also, environmental and AIDS awareness lessons are in the line up for this year's Oral English classes. And a prom or winter ball? Movie night? Maybe doing a Turbo Jam or Zumba (first I have to learn) class once the weather cools?

Oh, and just for me, I seriously want to learn kung fu.

ACTIVE is my theme for this semester.

So that is why I am killing myself on grad apps so early on. They say the second year of PC service is supposed to fly by, but how can that be so when I will be waiting with sweaty palms til fricken APRIL to find out where I'll be going??? I am trippin, better go rest these eyes!

tell the angels

2010-08-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

another one for the kingdom =)

i now have ample energy to eat, pray, love. =)

btw, i will play balinese medicine girl and live with a smile on my face.

the space between

2010-08-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

Summer is a space between.

Hawaii was a compact space of sentimentality and splendid chaos.

But now I am back, and finally, I have found a week-long stretch of pure peace. It was an embodiment of space with nothing in it, a void, and I was free to fill it up with whatever I wanted.

I lost the days, mixing up my Mondays for Wednesdays, not caring at all about time. Alas, there is nowhere I must go, nothing I must do. I enjoy waking up to an empty dawn, watching back to back episodes of "What I Like About You" (a TV series I always wanted to watch when I was in high school, but never had the time), reading novels, eating cold noodles with students at Jiejie's shop, house cleaning, working out, eating take out kungpao chicken, and watching movies. In the meantime, my grad school apps are being filled, my essays are being written, my sanity somehow preserved. I can't imagine doing this without a space between as wide as the one I'm in now. :)

Life is good :)

"Run and tell the angels that everything's alright..."

"veiled threats?"

2010-07-12T22:37:00.000-07:00

Martha Nussbaum: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/11/veiled-threats/

melancholy fire

2010-07-04T03:21:00.000-07:00

It's 6:30 pm and behind the ever gray sky, the sun still burns. It is a damp 91 degrees. Lord help me.

A half hour of Facebook voyeurism has left me depressed. I ended up on some Waiakea friends' pages and saw, on the basis of status updates and pictures, where their lives are now. They are in steady relationships, have stable jobs and lead exciting social lives. Of course, all that's to be expected, and I am both happy for and envious of them. What the heck am I doing in China? Having the time of my life, that's for sure, but part of me feels like I ought to be maturing in step with my classmates. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, I have no "real" job, and my social life is built entirely around people I may never see again after my stint here is done.

Also, thoughts of a certain person burn like coal in my heart. My position makes this fire impossible, and so it rages. I think he knows that I know. But what can I do? Anyway, he is gone for the summer.

the value of words

2010-07-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

Writing is that means by which the world values the Way, but writing is no more than words and words, too, have value. Meaning is what gives value to words, but meaning is dependent on something. What meaning depends on cannot be expressed in language, yet the world transmits writing because it values language. Although the world values writing, I, for my part, do not think it worthy of being valued, because what is valued is not what is really valuable.

- Chuang Tzu, quoted in Peter Hessler's Oracle Bones

一起加油

2010-06-30T10:00:00.001-07:00

我在改写作课的试卷和笔记本。有点累，但是马上就改完了，就可以继续耍，也可以开始认真的准备我国家的考研，GRE。过几个星期和平队要派我去开县教英语两个星期。以前我以为他们会派我去垫江，不过今天他们跟我说要换地方。（所以如果你是开县人，我就找你哦！）然后七月底我要回过看望我家人，两三个星期后就回来。

最近我心情和平时不一样因为压力比较大。我很怕 GRE 哦！期末快到了，所以现在你们的压力也比较大。可能你会了解我！必须准备很多东西，但是只想做很多其他的事，只想去很多地方玩，只想陪朋友耍，只想吃很多好吃的（哈哈）什么的。。时间真不够哦！这周我每天都在我办公室，一边改作业，一边读书，感觉越来越讨厌。我真的感谢你几个朋友陪我吃饭，散步和开玩笑。如果没有你，我一定就变更疯了。

而且感谢你大三学生们。我也在看你们写的信，真让我又快乐！我让你们写一封信的时候，以为你们会写中国文化或者学英语的事情。不过你们写了很意义也很甜蜜的话。我觉得在信里，你们说的话是个特别的礼物。很希望给每个人回答所以你们都可以知道我怎么感动了。这样的宝比钱好哦。。所以虽然当老师不会赚很多钱，也有时候有点困难，在老师生活里这样的感谢是最好的。我觉得如果我永远能听你们的话，我一定就会一直高兴，一直微笑。

许多你们马上要离开这里出去试教。知道你们都有点紧张，不太兴奋。。但是放心。。你们的学生一定会爱你们，他们会被你们有灵感的。我非常相信你们！加油！

其实，无论你是个大三，大二，大一，毕业了学生或者老师，我们都应该加油！

但是现在我不能加油。我要睡觉。哈哈好梦！

archaeology

2010-06-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

"Archaeology helped hold China together.....
.... Archaeology helps break China apart."

"In the end, so much depends on circumstance - what happens to be found, how the find happens to be perceived. A person's relationship to an artifact can be shaped by nationalism or regionalism. Perspective is crucial: if one believes that he stands at the center, then diffusion seems natural. But a culture looks completely different if you approach it from the outside and then work your way back in."

- Peter Hessler, Oracle Bones, 191

最好的年，最好的情况

2010-06-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

学期马上就结束了，太快了！！

今天去看了从美国到汶川的志愿者导演的话剧。好好看哦！那个小学生都活泼可爱！
表演开始以前，外语系让我和Rachel陪他们去吃饭。因为志愿者们的父母都移民了从中国到美国，我本来以为他们是中国人。同时他们也以为我是中国人。因为我比Rachel 到食堂早一点，我先给他们打招呼，不知道他们是不是志愿者。我自己介绍了后，他们都看起来很吃惊。一个女生说，“Wow! Your English is so good!" 我听他们的话，就也很吃惊。我说了，“你也说得很好哦！” 终于发现了我们都是美国人。

我喜欢他们因为不仅他们明显聪明，而且他们好像善良。我也佩服他们因为我觉得来地震地方帮助人真是个特别好的事情。他们都是大二年纪学生，虽然很年轻，但是已经很伟大。

这是他们的第一次来重庆，他们都很喜欢。有一个女生也想当和平队志愿者，再来中国教英语。她问了我喜不喜欢。我快回答了 “在我的生活上，过去的一年是最好的。”

然后我继续想为什么认真地说这个句子很容易。有很多原因！第一你们对我非常好，每天都让我很愉快。第二你们陪我去做我最喜欢的爱好：吃饭和耍。第三学汉语好玩因为让我和你们更近，还有这个地方的环境给我很多机会练习。第四我觉得中国文化很有意思，比如说古故事，电视剧，音乐等等。第五我越来越了解我自己，发现我是什么样的人，有什么样的愿望。

不过有时候当志愿者很累。。。不仅我自然懒和一个小丑，而且有时侯我只想当一个低调人，不想成为一个外国人。所以我最喜欢和你们在一起因为你们都向我对待一个同学，一个同胞，一个一般的人。如果人对我这样，我就感觉很自在，我就可以放松。原来的时候我怕只有 Rachel 会了解我，不过我发现了我和你们也可以互相了解。这真是个暖和的感觉！这个是主要的愿意为什么我觉得，在我的生活上，当你们的志愿者是最好的情况。

吃的东西

2010-06-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

水果类（fruits）：

西红柿 tomato 菠萝 pineapple 西瓜watermelon 香蕉banana 柚子 shaddock （pomelo）橙子orange 苹果apple 柠檬lemon 樱桃 cherry 桃子peach 梨 pear 枣Chinese date （去核枣 pitted date ）椰子coconut 草莓 strawberry 树莓 raspberry 蓝莓 blueberry 黑莓 blackberry 葡萄 grape 甘蔗 sugar cane 芒果 mango 木瓜 pawpaw或者papaya 杏子 apricot 　油桃 nectarine 柿子persimmon 石榴pomegranate 榴莲 jackfruit 槟榔果 areca nut （西班牙产苦橙）bitter orange 猕猴桃 kiwi fruit or Chinese gooseberry 金橘cumquat 蟠桃 flat peach 荔枝 litchi 青梅greengage 山楂果 haw 水蜜桃honey peach 香瓜，甜瓜 musk melon 李子plum 杨梅 waxberry red bayberry 桂圆 longan 沙果 crab apple 杨桃starfruit 枇杷 loquat 柑橘 tangerine 莲雾wax-apple 番石榴 guava

肉、蔬菜类（livestock家畜）：

南瓜（倭瓜） pumpkin cushaw 甜玉米 Sweet corn 牛肉beef 猪肉pork 羊肉 mutton 羔羊肉lamb 鸡肉chicken 生菜莴苣lettuce 白菜 Chinese cabbage （celery cabbage）（甘蓝）卷心菜 cabbage 萝卜 radish 胡萝卜 carrot 韭菜leek 木耳 agarics 豌豆 pea 马铃薯（土豆） potato 黄瓜 cucumber 苦瓜 balsam pear 秋葵 okra 洋葱 onion 芹菜 celery 芹菜杆 celery sticks 地瓜 sweet potato 蘑菇 mushroom 橄榄 olive 菠菜spinach 冬瓜（Chinese）wax gourd 莲藕 lotus root 紫菜 laver 油菜 cole rape 茄子 eggplant 香菜 caraway 枇杷loquat 青椒 green pepper 四季豆青刀豆 garden bean 银耳 silvery fungi 腱子肉tendon 肘子 pork joint 茴香fennel（茴香油fennel oil 药用）鲤鱼carp 咸猪肉bacon 金针蘑 needle mushroom 扁豆 lentil 槟榔 areca 牛蒡great burdock 水萝卜 summer radish 竹笋 bamboo shoot 艾蒿Chinese mugwort 绿豆mung bean 毛豆green soy bean 瘦肉 lean meat 肥肉speck 黄花菜 day lily （day lily bud）豆芽菜 bean sprout 丝瓜 towel gourd (注：在美国丝瓜或用来做丝瓜茎loofah洗澡的，不是食用的)

海鲜类（sea food）：

虾仁 Peeled Prawns 龙虾 lobster 小龙虾 crayfish（退缩者）蟹 crab 蟹足crab claws 小虾（虾米） shrimp 对虾、大虾 prawn （烤）鱿鱼（toast）squid 海参 sea cucumber 扇贝 scallop 鲍鱼 sea-ear abalone 小贝肉cockles 牡蛎oyster 鱼鳞scale 海蜇jellyfish鳖海龟turtle 蚬蛤 clam 鲅鱼 culter 鲳鱼 butterfish 虾籽 shrimp egg 鲢鱼银鲤鱼chub silver carp 黄花鱼 yellow croaker

调料类（seasonings）：

醋 vinegar 酱油 soy 盐 salt 加碘盐 iodized salt 糖 sugar 白糖 refined sugar 酱 soy sauce 沙拉 salad 辣椒 hot（red）pepper 胡椒（black）pepper 花椒wild pepper Chinese prickly ash powder 色拉油salad oil 调料 fixing sauce seasoning 砂糖 granulated sugar 红糖 brown sugar 冰糖 Rock Sugar 芝麻 Sesame 芝麻酱 Sesame paste 芝麻油 Sesame oil 咖喱粉curry 番茄酱（汁） ketchup redeye 辣根horseradish 葱 shallot （Spring onions）姜 ginger 蒜 garlic 料酒 cooking wine 蚝油oyster sauce 枸杞（枇杷,欧查果） medlar 八角aniseed 酵母粉yeast barm 　　Yellow pepper 黄椒肉桂 cinnamon (在美国十分受欢迎，很多事物都有肉桂料) 黄油 butter 香草精 vanilla extract(甜点必备) 面粉 flour 洋葱 onion

主食类（staple food）：

三文治 sandwich 米饭rice 粥 congee （rice soup）汤 soup 饺子dumpling 面条 noodle 比萨饼 pizza 方便面 instant noodle 香肠 sausage 面包 bread 黄油（白塔油）butter 茶叶蛋 Tea eggs 油菜 rape 饼干 cookies 咸菜（泡菜）pickle 馒头 steamed bread 饼（蛋糕）cake 汉堡 hamburger 火腿ham 奶酪 cheese 馄饨皮 wonton skin 高筋面粉 Strong flour 小麦wheat 大麦barley 青稞highland barley 高粱broomcorn （kaoliang ）春卷Spring rolls 　芋头 Taro 山药yam 鱼翅 shark fin 黄花 daylily 松花蛋皮蛋preserved eggs 春卷 spring roll 肉馅饼minced pie 糙米 Brown rice 玉米 corn 馅儿 stuffing 开胃菜 appetizer 面粉 flour 燕麦 oat 白薯甘薯 sweet potato牛排 steak 里脊肉 fillet 凉粉 bean jelly 糯米江米 sticky rice 燕窝 bird's nest 粟 Chinese corn 肉丸子 meat balls 枳橙citrange 点心（中式）dim sum 淀粉starch 蛋挞 egg tart

（dry fruits）干果类：

腰果 Cashew nuts 花生 peanut 无花果fig 榛子filbert hazel 栗子chestnut 核桃 walnut 杏仁almond 果脯 preserved fruit 芋头taro 葡萄干raisin cordial 开心果 pistachion 巴西果 brazil nut 菱角,荸荠 water chestnut (和国内食用法不同，做坚果食用)

酒水类（beverage）：

红酒 red wine 白酒 white wine 白兰地 brandy 葡萄酒 sherry 汽水(软饮料) soda （盐）汽水sparkling water 果汁juice 冰棒 Ice-lolly 啤酒beer 酸奶 yoghurt 伏特加酒vodka 鸡尾酒cocktail 豆奶 soy milk 豆浆soybean milk 七喜 7 UP 麒麟（日本啤酒kirin）凉开水 cold boiled water 汉斯啤酒 Hans beer 浓缩果汁 concentrated juice 冰镇啤酒 iced(chilled ) beer 札幌（日本啤酒）Sapporo 爱尔啤酒（美国）ale A级牛奶 grand A milk 班图酒bantu beer 半干雪利 dry sark 参水牛奶 blue milk 日本粗茶 bancha 生啤酒 draft beer 白啤酒 white beer <苏格兰>大麦酒barley-bree 咖啡伴侣coffee mate

零食类（snack）:

mint 薄荷糖 cracker饼干, biscuit饼干, 棒棒糖bonbon 茶tea （沏茶 make the tea）话梅prune candied plum 锅巴 rice crust 瓜子 melon seed 冰棒（冰果） ice（frozen） sucker 冰淇凌ice cream 防腐剂preservative 圣代冰淇淋 sundae 巧克力豆 marble chocolate barley 布丁pudding

与食品有关的词语（some words about food）:

炸 fired 炝 quick boiled 烩 braise （烩牛舌 braised ox tongue）烤 roast 饱嗝 burp 饱了饱的 full stuffed 解渴quench thirst （形容食物变坏spoil spoilage） preservative 防腐剂 expiration date 产品有效期（形容酒品好： a good strong brew 绝味酿）

应各位要求补充的中式西式食物

边城

2010-05-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

几个朋友带我去了他们的家乡，秀山。我觉得他们那里非常好。我们去了很多美丽的地方，包括边城。我推荐你们去！因为我去那儿，我就开始看沈从文的小说“Border Town." 当然，我在看英语的！

我很喜欢边城可能是因为我最喜欢又简单又安静的生活。为什么我喜欢这样的生活？是因为我想太多了。我需要去一个安静的地方，这样就可以听我自己的声音。如果 “Border Town"真是“边城”的意思，就好。这个名字引发了我的思考。我的中文词汇太小了，所以我怕不能清楚地表达我的意思。

我觉得在每人的日常生活里有很多事情有边界。。比如说，我是你的老师，也是你的朋友。边界在哪儿？我老是想这个问题。在美国，如果我是你的老师，当你的朋友就不合适，别人一定就会说我。写这样的公日记，让你们知道我的想法也不合适。但是我觉得我的情况有点特别。这是中国，文化不一样。而且，你们和我差不多一样大。

我给你们说，虽然我爱教书，有时候我希望我只是你们的朋友。可能你已经知道，我非常像一个小孩儿，我只喜欢去出玩儿，只喜欢开玩笑，只喜欢说屁话。虽然你是学生，我是老师，我只喜欢想我们都平等。没有边界，就好。(所以，我们说话的时候，放心吧，别紧张。。虽然你担心你英语说得不好，相信我一定不会笑你！无论你说得好不好，我都会喜欢你哦！）

不过，有人说，如果我想你们尊敬我，有边界，就好，特别上课的时候。对我来说，这件事很复杂。有时候我不能看到我们的边界因为你们经常保护我或者欺负我（其实，都可以！）但是我很想当一个很好的老师，也很想当一个很好的朋友。怎么办呢？我一直希望都可能。

在安静的边城，我想想了我们的关系，开始意识到了真可能。希望你同意！＝）

疼爱

2010-04-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

你们都知道我在教作文。很多学生不喜欢写作，不过我觉得，用英语或者中文，写作真是个很好的事情。如果你的想法太复杂了，你不能看清楚的，写作一定会帮你。我觉得我应该听我自己的话，所以我在练习用中文写日记。

明天下午我的学生们会带我去他们的老家，秀山。我有点担心因为可能上火车的人太多了，不能坐。站起五个小时？不会呀？！呵呵，啊，其实我觉得感觉不舒服只是个小问题，真没事。我非常兴奋因为我很想离开这里，想去看重庆的其他的地方。

最近，虽然一个情况有点尴尬，我的中国生活越来越好。我的学生们和同事们对我很好，我们交流越来越多。我和几个人成为了很好朋友。有时后我认真感觉住在这里对我比较合适。我感觉我真是个中国人！可能是因为中国文化和夏威夷文化差不多。中国人和夏威夷人很喜欢帮助其他的人，让朋友感觉很特别。

当然我想我家人和同学们，但是我想回国事情的时候，就感觉很伤心。。。

但我知道我不能永远留在这里。。。

所以我觉得每天都我应该享受，不浪费时间。

gained in translation II

2010-04-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

I LOVE Google Translator.
I was chatting with a student on QQ, and we were talking about the hula. As happens when the sentences get complicated, I turned to Google Translator for help.

我好羡慕那些跳hula的啊那个屁股扭得好有力啊像装的马达一样
你能跳么？ ---->

"I envied those that ass jump twist hula, ah, ah, like powerful well as installation of the motor
What can you jump?"

LMAO!!!!!! Yeah Google!!

gained in translation

2010-04-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Google translator can be so poetically incorrect:

"泡咖啡让你暖手想挡挡你心口里的风" --->"Coffee to warm her you want to block the mouth of the wind in your heart"

好拘束哦

2010-03-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

有两件好拘束的事：
1）我最近不想和你在一起。。我们在一起的时候，你让我感觉不高兴。要是我先高兴，然后听你的话，我就成为郁闷。不知道为什么。以前好像我们的关系最好的，但现在我们没有太多话。我门的看法不同。我很喜欢这个生活，没注意不好的东西。不过我们说话的时候，我们只说脏话。为什么我也说这样？我和你在一起的时候，我不知道怎么做，不会说真的，不会做诚实的。好拘束哦。
2）我和最师的理发师的关系也很拘束。上个月我和他常常聊天，开玩笑了。每次我去理发店到了，他给我按摩，说讨情的话。可我和其他的理发师们刚才成为好朋友了。我和他们去打羽毛球，互相帮助学习语言。所以我有空的时，我去那个理发店玩玩。但现在呢，我到那的时，他非常严肃，非常沉默。为什么？？？他有什么问题？？？我有什么问题？？？也好拘束哦！！

说不定，我还没学好中国年轻的文化哦！

play play play

2010-03-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

好久好久没有写日记！
我刚才很忙。忙着什么？玩玩哦。哈哈！

So busy playing badminton and ping pong...
and I have to admit, I'm not too bad, especially at ping pong. I think it's because I've been tapping into some kind of supernatural source of energy, so it's as if my reflexes are on crack. Still though, I get my ass kicked far too often. But whatever, it's fun, and it's definitely giving me another reason to fall further in love with China. :)

Mmhmm, my maturity level has definitely regressed. 我和小孩子差不多一样的！
但，我认为我的学生们觉得这样比较好哦。

不过，有时后我担心他们觉得我太疯了。哈哈

2010-03-08T15:03:00.001-08:00

http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/educated-and-fearing-the-future-in-china/?ref=asia

Cool, I'm glad the NYT is up on this issue.

the sins of snootiness and sanctimony

2010-02-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

I don't quite know what to make of Kristof's newest, "Learning from the Sin of Sodom": http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/opinion/28kristof.html?em

First off, in regard to US international aid organizations, I knew World Vision was big, but I didn't know it was the biggest!! I guess it's really not that surprising, as who funnels more donations than churches?

Here's the part of the article that lends it its title:

Mr. Stearns argues that evangelicals were often so focused on sexual morality and a personal relationship with God that they ignored the needy. He writes laceratingly about “a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics.”

In one striking passage, Mr. Stearns quotes the prophet Ezekiel as saying that the great sin of the people of Sodom wasn’t so much that they were promiscuous or gay as that they were “arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” (Ezekiel 16:49.)

Hmm. Imagine if sodomy laws could be used to punish the stingy, unconcerned rich!

And here's Kristof's piece-of-cake solution... it's more idealistic and preachy than anything, but I wonder if he has a point:

A root problem is a liberal snobbishness toward faith-based organizations. Those doing the sneering typically give away far less money than evangelicals. They’re also less likely to spend vacations volunteering at, say, a school or a clinic in Rwanda.

If secular liberals can give up some of their snootiness, and if evangelicals can retire some of their sanctimony, then we all might succeed together in making greater progress against common enemies of humanity, like illiteracy, human trafficking and maternal mortality.

denial

2010-02-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

I canNOT believe school starts tomorrow.
Luckily, I teach only one class. I got a warning from the secretary not to be late because the administration is going to be making sure all of the teachers get to class in time. Hah! Let's hope "The Book Thief" doesn't keep me up all night again so that I can get up early enough.

another familiar stranger

2010-02-27T08:10:00.000-08:00

Soon after I posted the last blog, I realized the title was also appropriate for yet another happy hair man story, aka the lame chronicles of a girl who doesn't know how to flirt in a language and culture not her own:

For the past week, ever since shops started to reopen, I've been trying to avoid passing the hair salon. Will the happy hair man remember me? I was afraid to find out. We ended things awkwardly, with me turning down his BBQ beef stick because of some serious stomach issues.

I was getting anxious because I inevitably have to pass there every day to get my grub on, and until today, no happy hair man appeared. Is he the same kind of migrant worker in Leslie Chang's book? The kind that switches careers and life plans (and salons?) after the holiday to signify a fresh beginning? Again, I was afraid to find out.

Today he was there! I saw my handsome happy hair man!

After spending the afternoon listening to Sashamon (making Rach a reggae mix!), I went to buy a box of chocolate milk from the store, and he was heading down the alley as I was coming up. I was busy jamming my straw into the box when I heard a loud, "HELLO!"

Who the hell says "hello" around here? This time, I wasn't afraid of the answer.

Turns out he had just gotten back to Lidu. Da buttafly on my shoulda was suddenly the butterfly in my stomach.

ohhhhh snap.

a familiar stranger

2010-02-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

I bought my tickets to go home. I didn't expect the airlines to agree with my personal opinion that it's much more difficult to leave China than it is to come back. The only site that had tickets to Hawaii available was the gimmicky-sounding "cheapOairlines," and my airfare out of here was a good $500 more than the one coming back.

But whatever, I'll be back from July 29 to August 15, fahh real, yo.

I'm excited. Family, doggy, friends, Kam's wedding, the beach, tennis, spam musubi, toilets that flush down toilet paper, no spittle and baby shit on sidewalks...
At the same time though, I'm a little nervous.

I'm not going to belong. I won't understand the people I love. They won't understand me.
Like a 13,ooo year old Chinese migrant (see below), I'm an outsider everywhere I go.
Strangely, I don't feel lonely here, even though I'm more alone than ever (I prefer the term "independent," haha). But will the loneliness sink in once I'm in the company of a life that's no longer mine? The irony that rules my days is nodding is ugly head.

As the migrants in today's Dongguan know, losing your cell phone often means losing your friends. "The easiest thing in the world is to lose touch with someone," Leslie Change notes repeatedly in her book Factory Girls: From Village to City in a Changing China. This quote knifed me every time because it kept reminding me of how my Verizon phone doesn't work this far up the Yangtze, and also of the fact that I've verbally spoken to only 4 friends in the whole time I've been here. Damn you, Facebook, for making "keeping in touch" far too easy to be taken for granted. But anyway, I wonder if "finding" your cell phone can also mean finding your friends? Or rather, if a working phone will translate into working friendships?

A vital wound made by Factory Girls:

"It is not a new story. The ache of the traveler returning home is a classic theme in Chinese literature. One of the first poem a school child learns, from the eighth century, is about a man who goes back to his village after a lifetime away, to find that he no longer belongs.

I left home as a youth, and as an old man returned,
My accent unchanged but my temples turned gray.
The children see me but don't know who I am,
Laughing, they ask where the stranger is from."

Shoot, if any little kid laughs and asks where I'm from, I will cry.

Humbled by Hessler

2010-02-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

Peter Hessler is the pride and joy of Fuling, at least as far as my site mate and I are concerned. After reading his book, River Town, and comparing his experiences with my own, I couldn't help but wonder if such big disparities exist not so much because times have transformed this town, but that he and I just see the world entirely differently.

I tend to think books can change the world, that words set change into motion. But should change be the purpose of writing? After half a year of Peace Corps service, a humbling experience in and of itself, I can't say that I entirely disagree with Peter Hessler's opinion on this matter:

taken from http://urbanatomy.com/index.php/arts/why-i-write/2770-why-i-write-peter-hessler

Does writing change anything?
To be honest, I don’t care, not in the strictest sense. I’ve never been a political person; I tend to get bored when people talk about policy and big-picture things. I suppose that my time in the Peace Corps made me more realistic about a person’s impact, and more cynical about a certain type of idealism.

But Americans are attached to this idea, especially with regard to the developing world. You look at the books that sell well in the States, the best-selling books about poor places, and they tend to be about a foreigner who is trying to save people. You have Three Cups of Tea or Mountains Beyond Mountains. Individually these books can be great, and they tell important stories, but it concerns me a little that this approach tends to dominate the bestseller readership with regard to the developing world. The other main option is books about atrocities – child soldiers, or sex slaves, or things like that.

I wonder about the impact of these books, and I wonder about the vision they promote of the developing world. Americans seem to read these books and conclude: Thank God I was born in the good old U.S. of A. instead of in some crazy country like this. Or they think, We really need to fix these places. They conclude that if you’re going to live overseas, you need to be either a saint or insane. There’s no sense of normal life in a developing country – no sense that you might live in one of these places and have an enjoyable life, and make friends you respect and like. Obviously, there are some countries where it’s just not possible to live a normal life, because things are so troubled – but these places tend to dominate our perception of the world; they are represented disproportionately.

As a result there’s no real connection with the people, not in terms of understanding them and being able to put yourself in their shoes. These books don’t come out of a deep anthropological instinct. The basic interest is more along the lines of changing the world than understanding the world. But this has always been the classic American weakness beyond its borders. People want to get involved, and they want to change the world, but they don’t want to be patient. And they aren’t inclined to grant others the dignity of figuring out their own path.

One thing I liked about being in China was that I couldn’t over-estimate my significance, either as a teacher or as a writer. When I arrived with the Peace Corps, the country was clearly going its own way, and that’s still the case. Foreigners have some impact, but they aren’t guiding the country, and it’s not a playground for NGOs like so many parts of the world. The state-level stuff is of questionable value. When a head of state like Obama goes to Beijing, he’s performing certain rituals that are part of big-picture politics, but he’s not making a lot of earth-shattering decisions that will change China. In a sense, he has a lot less leeway than a migrant going to Dongguan looking for a factory job. So as a writer you’re best off sticking with that migrant or somebody like him; you should try to understand Chinese people. You try to figure out their stories and their motivations, and you try to write in an artful way. As far as I’m concerned, that’s enough. Good writing should enlighten and entertain, and it should have some quality of art. But it doesn’t have to change policy or raise funds for a cause. Plenty of other people are trying to change the world, often in heavy-handed ways that do as much harm as good.

But perhaps Jung Chang, author of the fantastic Wild Swans, gave the best answer:

Does writing change anything?
Yes, my life.

huo mai le (buried alive)

2010-02-24T16:14:00.000-08:00

The HSK will be the end of me.
I500 MORE words to learn before November.
I thought I knew a lot more than I actually do, but after an assessment I realized that the characters I do know just pop up frequently. Bastard.

All this anticipated effort makes me wonder how much I'd really like to stay an additional year to study. Am I just afraid of going back? Already I dread Skype conferences because nobody understands me. I guess I didn't realize that the PC was going to make me a permanent misfit on both sides of the dateline.

But on the other hand, I'd like to stay because I'm determined to fit here. This is home now. Buried alive.

amusement parks

2010-02-23T16:12:00.000-08:00

ethnicity on display:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/world/asia/24park.html

oh, geeez...

The Female Factor

2010-02-22T02:56:00.000-08:00

Cool series: http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/world/series/the_female_factor/index.html

I <3 the Cambodian slideshow.

To Read: Nonfiction

2010-02-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

1. "Water Wars" by Vandana Shiva
2. "When the Rivers Run Dry" by Fred Pearce
3. "Country Driving" by Peter Hessler
4. "Oracle Bones" by Peter Hessler
5. "This Bridge Called My Back" by Gloria A
6. "Dangerous Liasons" by Anne McClintock
7. "Scattered Hegemonies" by Inderpal Grewal
8. "Decentering the Center" by Uma Narayan
9. "Global Critical Race Feminism" by Adrien Wing
10. "Descent Into Chaos" by Ahmed Rashid
11. "The Year That Changed the World" by Michael Meyer
12. "Gender Violence" by Sally Engle Merry
13. "Global Feminisms" by Aili Mari Tripp

To Read: The "Classics"

2010-02-21T17:12:00.001-08:00

1. "Madame Bovary" by Gustave Flaubert
2. "Fathers and Sons" by Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev
3. "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
4. "Animal Farm" by George Orwell
5. "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley
6. "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath
7. "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka
8. "The Outsider" by Albert Camus
9. "Don Quixote" by Miguel Cervantes

To Read: Literature

2010-02-21T16:58:00.003-08:00

1. "Invisible Cities" by Italo Calvino
2. "If on a Winter's Night a Traveler" by Italo Calvino
3. "Kafka on the Shore" by Haruki Marukami
4. "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" by Haruki Marukami
5. "The White Tiger" by Aravind Adiga
6. "The Inheritance of Loss" by Kiran Desai
7. "The Promise" by Chaim Potok
8. "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith
9. "Waiting" by Ha Jin
10. "The Life and Times of Michael K" by JM Coetzee
11."Let the Great World Spin" by Colum McCann
12. "Zoli" by Colum McCann
13."The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver
14. "The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz
15. "Diary of a Madman" by Lu Xun
16. "Say You're One of Them" by Uwem Akpan

Daughter of Fortune

2010-02-21T02:27:00.000-08:00

Isabel Allende gifted me a love for words. I remember picking her up while I was an intern at a newspaper, at a time when I was bored to death with writing obituaries. I started with Eva Luna, and it was like an explosion. That such beautiful and passionate prose came from the imagination of a former journalist, perhaps even a former obituary writer, blew my mind.

Since then I've read several of her works, the best of which has been House of Spirits. Allende's got this special way of mixing magic and history, and I can't get enough of it, even though her last few books, including Daughter of Fortune, has left unsatisfied my crave for her wizardry.

Set in the mid-nineteenth century, Daughter of Fortune chronicles the life of Eliza Sommers, a British-Chilean orphan, as she abandons her rigid, upper-class world in Valparaiso for the gold-crazed California. Typical of Allende, this heroine's reason for doing so is love... or at least, the illusion of love.

After learning she is pregnant, Eliza secretly leaves her stern aunt and uncle to locate her lover, a gold-hungry peasant with revolutionary ideals. She barely survives the harrowing journey to California, a land made chaotic and seemingly unprincipled by the waves of newcomers looking for wealth. It's in this land of "freedom" that Allende explores issues of gender and race. Eliza, who for her own safety dresses like a man, slowly finds her yearning for lost lover replaced by that for her best friend, Tao Chi'en, an eastern medicine practitioner who's calling in life is to rescue young Chinese women from San Francisco's brothels.

The story really is fantastic, and it's packed with all the things I love in a novel: romance, adventure, history and politics. But it contains only an ounce of magical realism, which is Allende's forte, and the main reason why I so admire her. There's less fire, less poetry.. and it's just not as beautiful as it should have been.

injustice

2010-02-21T02:12:00.001-08:00

"They crush an ant with a hammer."

Because I want to see people and I want to see life

2010-02-19T16:36:00.001-08:00

I was thinking about my life last night while listening to "There's a Light That Never Goes Out" by my new obsession, The Smiths.

My goals are the same: I want to go to grad school, teach at a university, and work with trafficked women in Asia, but then, when all that is over, all I really want is to run a bookshop. That would make me so happy.

"..because I want to see people and I want to see life..."

My little store will be the definition of cozy - nothing at all like Barnes and Noble. Instead of wallpaper, the insides would be lined with shelves of used books, all of which members could borrow. I'd sell new one's, too, including works by local poets, novelists and academics. The shop would be just big enough to fit a bunch of comfy sofas, bean bags and coffee tables. And there will be a cafe and bar, where in the evenings there will be poetry readings and hot people making music with their guitars.

I'd like to do this when my kids are grown and I'm content with reclining for good at home in Hawaii.... but imagine if this were to happen in Asia where there's a decent-sized expat community? Staffed with women trained upon leaving shelters?

"Driving in your car, I never never want to go home, because I haven't got one anymore......."

The Road

2010-02-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

I read way more than I can remember, and in an effort to cling, at least vaguely, to the plots, characters and poetry of these all too dispensable novels, I thought I'd begin to leave a more lasting mark of the impression they left on me.

I read Cormac McCarthy's The Road during Peace Corps In-service Training following a book exchange with Victoria. I didn't think it was possible to swap a book comparable to Arundhati Roy's God of Small Things, which she loved, by the way, but Victoria did not disappoint. We were busy as hell with day-long workshops, and in my much needed downtime, I'd shut my hotel room door on all the merrymaking across the hall and read. This was the perfect book in which to throw my weary, anti-social soul.

McCarthy immediately drops the reader into a dying America. Bandits and murderers roam the Road, on which layers of ash cover the shells of vegetation and half-eaten human corpses. A nuclear catastrophe? McCarthy never says, but such details of this man-made disaster pale in significance to the story that follows an unnamed man and his son as they wheel their shopping cart of belongings toward what they hope is safety.

"The blackness he woke to on those nights was sightless and impenetrable. A blackness to hurt your ears with listening. Often he had to get up. No sound but the wind in the bare blackened trees. He rose and stood tottering in that cold autistic dark with his arms outheld for balance while the vestibular calculations in his skull cranked out their reckonings. An old chronicle."

What I found most remarkable was McCarthy's portrayal of the relationship between the man and his son. The man did whatever it took to protect his son, even at the risk of alienating himself from his son's affection, showing the simultaneous strength and fragility of the bond between parent and child.

McCarthy's parsimonious prose left room for me to internalize a sense of doom in the fear, anguish and desperation of these two emaciated survivors. However, he was, best of all, careful to do no more than nudge me toward a discovery of the faith that one cannot help but have, even in a humanity that barely exists.

alone?

2010-02-18T17:29:00.000-08:00

I wonder what it will be like to do all of this alone? I wonder if it will be better to do it alone than with someone else?
I don't want to rework another person into our habits.

bum

2010-02-17T03:07:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I feel like such a bum.

Nothing is open around here. The buses aren't even running.
Street BBQ and oatmeal are the only food options around here, and the former keeps giving me the doots, although that's a problem I've had for the last month. (wtf is wrong w/ me????!!! I bet I've flushed my brains down the toilet by now!!!)

I need to do something else but read, sleep and download movies I don't get around to watching.
I should study.. something. I should go for a walk, at least. But I can't think, can't move, can't do anything. Because I'm a bum.

And because, for the love of God, I just want to be in Cambodia.

Lidu love, for real this time

2010-01-16T06:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the big day. Will I survive the six hour bus ride??? My "laduzi" was SO bad today, I thought I was going to die. During each trip to the bathroom, I felt as if I was emptying out my guts into the toilet bowl. I called the Peace Corps doctor and practically begged to be allowed to take the Giardia medicine, but the doc refused, and told me I'd be better off using the rehydration salt pack. ICK. If my bowels come loose again tomorrow on the bus, I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. =(

This afternoon I felt better... well enough to get my hair washed. =P But because Ming Fa Xuan was closed today, Rach and I went to another shop across the school gate. Zhuang Jiaohao, the guy who did my hair, was, once again, a looker, and once again, took forever to do my hair. Turns out he went to massage school a few years ago, so when I asked for a massage, he gave me a half hour face, scalp, neck and shoulder massage - no extra charge, baby. Then he asked for my QQ number. Then when I bumped into him later in the evening, he tried to buy me a meat stick. LMAO. Too bad I had to tell him "no thanks, I have diarrhea." HAAAh.

I think moments like these are the reward of 4 months of trying in vain to be part of the Lidu community. After months of shallow greetings shared with nameless vendors, I finally feel connected. Finally, I have friends who are not also my students. Finally, I have crushes on men who do not currently reside in the US (yes, finally I've let go of the past). And finally, happiness isn't solely contingent on what I'm doing, but also partly on where I am, because my God, I love Lidu.

But too bad this little breakthrough is happening when I must leave for a month. Things change so fast here... restaurants come and go without warning (never got to say goodbye to the Muslim noodle man), and I worry that upon returning I will feel as lost as ever.

pretty much chinese

2010-01-11T06:25:00.000-08:00

I spent this past week, my first week of vacation, in complete cultural immersion.
As much as possible, I tried to live as the person I look like: a Chinese college student.

I stopped all my reading, I nearly stopped frequenting my internet haunts, and as much as possible, I stopped speaking, and even thinking, in English. Instead, I filled my time with Chinese soap operas, QQ chat sessions, bumming around at Du Li's lotion shop, attempting to flirt in Chinese with the hair boys, downloading Lin Ju Jie songs, eating spicy dumpling soup with Huang's mom and son at her dumpling shop, and buying way too much crap that I don't need, if only to get a good conversation out of the vendor.

As hard as this little experiment was, it's been damn fun.
Something is definitely happening here. I can sense some kind of change in me, in my status here as an outsider. I think I am finally part of the community. I think I finally belong.
Whether or not I really do, I don't know, but I think what matters is that I feel like I belong.

Heck, I even catch myself thinking that I wouldn't mind being what everyone mistakes me for. But then, I wouldn't be me, and the real me can't go long without reading, Gmail, and the English language.

happy hair man #2

2010-01-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

I'm bummed I didn't get the same dude, aka #9. I am too ambitious and went into the shop before he started work. lmao.
But because my hair wash took an hour (!!), I was still there when he came in, and he did end up giving me that hair wash for free =) Too bad I couldn't understand his explanation for why.

I swear, the hair washer, happy hair man #2, has magic in his hands. He gave me a dry wash with a scalp and neck massage. ohhhhhhh. Heaven heaven heaven.

This is my new hobby. As a VIP (lmao), a hair wash will cost me only 5RMB (like 80 cents) in the future.

I will be back on Thursday. mmmmmmm :) Fuck flowers and chocolate, the way to this girl's heart is her hair.

(apparently, the chemicals have caused permanent brain damage)

new years resolution: think

2010-01-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

I am impulsive and I tend to privilege action over thought. That is how I ended up in the Peace Corps :P
Not a good thing for an aspiring activist and scholar.
It's just that sometimes only thinking feels so useless, and in my impatience to see change, I change.

I just read the first chapter of Mahmood Mamdani's Saviors and Survivors: Darfur, Politics, and the War on Terror, in which he critiques the Save Darfur Coalition, the very organization that got me interested in politics.

It brings back memories of my high school excursion to the Holocaust Museum, and how upon exiting, my face still wet with tears, I eagerly purchased a bunch of green "Save Darfur" bracelets from the gift shop, determined to do something in order to remedy the guilt of privilege, of being able to simply view a history of the horrific, by actively being part of something grand and moral.

I never really looked past this coalition's grand narratives of "never again," etc. and thus did not see the implications of failing to contextualize and understand the conflict in Darfur, or even to recognize the politics of power in naming certain violent "events" genocide.

This failure on my part is a personal lesson I hope to translate to my impulse to defend, to help, "to save," women from gender violence. Think, Kacie, think. The first step toward doing the right thing is to avoid doing the wrong thing.

day laborers

2010-01-02T02:41:00.000-08:00

Aren't some day laborers women?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/02/nyregion/02laborers.html

i heart the happy hair man

2010-01-02T01:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I sat in the hair salon for 5+ hours as I got my hair straightened. I don't care that it gave me a butt ache, or if indulging in such vanity is anti-feminist, what matters is that it only cost $8. That's right, a process that usually costs $200 in the US, or $40 here in China, was SUPER cheap yesterday as part of a New Years Special.

The only drawback: the chemicals definitely seeped into my brains because I ended up developing a huge crush on my hair stylist. WTF? haha. One reason is that I seriously don't get out enough: the only dudes my age that I've been able to look at for more than a few minutes at a time are my students, and the line there impenetrable. So being able to look at this dude (hair styling is "men's work" here) for the better part of my day was quite a relief. Plus he smiled the entire time. The default face in Fuling is hardly ever a smile, so this was a real treat.

But what really got to me was when it came time to flat iron my hair. As he'd run the flat iron through my hair, he'd gently blow off the steam from the roots to the tips, over and over and over. Who the fuck does that??? After five hours of being in mirror land with him, I was completely hypnotized. When he was done, I stumbled to the cash register, where he successfully convinced me to buy a VIP card and to return on Monday for a hair wash. WTF. I wonder how long a hair wash could possibly take? :P Clearly, I am intimacy starved. Not a good thing.

new

2009-12-31T16:22:00.000-08:00

People were wild last night.
What happened, anyway? From what I remember:

Rach had me doubled over after different interpretations of the title "party chair"
I turned into Dean T's shrink for a little while. My best advice: "have more wine."
The oldest of the Japanese teachers said he'd throw us a sushi party.
The entire dinner party (the leaders of the department) migrated from the banquet hall to the 007 Disco.
We danced with a man with huge boobs, who then hopped up on stage and dazzled us with his amazing voice.
I discovered that my student strips at that club, which may explain why she falls asleep in class.

Everyone seemed so out of character, including myself, I'm sure.
In my mind, they no longer seem so uptight and bent on getting the most work out of us as volunteers. It makes me wonder how well I actually new these people, and what it'll be like to start work with them again next semester.

FINALly

2009-12-30T20:49:00.000-08:00

YES.
One last final exam to give.
Five more classes to grade.
Then NO WORK, NO PLANNING, NO EDITING, NO WRITING ANYTHING WITH MY UGLY RED PEN. Til March!!!!!!

Then,
Get wasted in Fuling with Dean Yu and posse. Get carsick. Get warm in bed. Happy New Year :)

new habit

2009-12-30T01:43:00.000-08:00

Two minutes ago, I took a big step toward integration.

I hacked up spit in front of four women, and no one eyed me out. I wasn't shy about it, either. It was loud, and if I was watching myself, I would have been disgusted. But these women were totally cool with it!! :D :D :D One of them looked, but the glance was quick and neutral, almost unseeing. The others kept walking, kept texting, etc. Ah if only I could be as cool when other people do it.

This makes me think of a friend, who when returning home after two years in Benin, had to consciously remind himself not to dig his nose in public. I'm gonna turn this into a habit. Yes, this is how I'm going to fulfill Peace Corps goal #3: bring what you learned home. =)

oh yeah, i'm japanese

2009-12-28T15:43:00.000-08:00

I won't tell you where I was, or what I was doing, but when I was busy doing my *thang*, I was also reflecting on my last post, and on what it means to be Japanese American.

In my last post, I doubtfully wondered if I could compare growing up Japanese American and middle-class in Hawaii to being African American and poor in New Orleans. Obviously, the class disparity renders such positions incomparable, but to what extent does race influence this difference?

Anyway, today it donned on me (DuH!) that Japan is treated as if it were a western country, as if race itself ceases to matter in the First/Third, North/South division. But still, being Japanese is not at all like being white.

But am I more white than brown? And how about if I look more brown that white? If I look more like I come from Fuling, China than from Yamaguchi, Japan? If race is a social construction, then does my appearance rather than my actual ancestry contribute more to shaping my hue identity? And what about agency, what if I choose to identify more with being brown, simply because that's the position I seek from which to do honest activism?

And to further complicate things, what does it mean to refuse to conflate my Okinawanness with my Japaneseness? What does it mean to be half-bred, half-colonized?

entitled to engage?

2009-12-27T22:59:00.000-08:00

From Chandra Talpade Mohanty's Feminism Without Borders: Decolonizing Theory, Praciticing Solidarity:

"I have argued for a politics of engagement rather than a politics of transcendence, for the present and the future. I know - in my own nonsynchronous temporality - that the antiglobalization movements of the past five years will gain momentum, that the resistance to and victory over the efforts of the US government and multinational mining conglomerates to relocate the Navajo and Hopi reservations from Big Mountain, Arizona, will be written into elementary school textbooks, and the Palestinian homeland will no longer be referred to as the "Middle East question" - it will be a reality in the next few years. But that is my preferred history: what I hope and struggle for, I garner as my knowledge, create it as the place from where I seek to know. After all, it is the way in which I understand, define, and engage in feminist, anti-imperialist, and antiracist collectives and movements that anchors my belief in the future and in the efficacy of struggles for social change."

- pg. 122

I particularly like that passage, perhaps because I enjoy seeing the world through Mohanty's eyes, and I feel empowered when I hope alongside her.

Mohanty, a Third World feminist, shuns the idea of a universal sisterhood, and instead calls for an engagement via common struggle. But I wonder at what point we can consider struggle "common." Is it possible for me to engage with a struggle that was never mine? Can I make it mine? And if not, in what ways can I support those for whom that particular struggle is real? Can I support them? Should I try?

Must Third World feminism be practiced by a Third World feminist?
As an American feminist of color, Mohanty would say that I am a Third World feminist, but clearly, being a Japanese American daughter of a professor in Hawaii is not the same as being an African American daughter of an unemployed single mother in New Orleans. (I apologize for any perceived snobbery or stereotyping.)

My question is, can I honestly engage in this kind of work???? If we share the same hopes, perhaps we can find similar struggles from which to work from, taking an approach more complex than simply from the universal to the particular, or vice-versa. But perhaps I am just trying to justify my desire to engage in this kind of work.

Selfish happy

2009-12-27T04:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like I am watching dakine sink. I've extended my hand, but that's the only body part of mine that's made any movement toward danger. My hand is there, up for grabs, but beyond that, I cannot be of anymore help. My own "happiness" is a fragile thing, it feels new and precious. I doubt it would be able to carry the weight of two, and I dare not risk it.

Happy Safe Night

2009-12-24T05:56:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve = Ping An Ye = 平安夜, the first character of which sounds like the first part of "apple" (苹果 = ping guo) which ultimately makes tonight Apple Night in China.

The foreign affairs office took us to the Taiji Hotel, Fuling's swankiest hotel, for a Christmas Eve dinner party that cost about a quarter of my monthly allowance. Good thing I didn't have to pay because I was too nervous to eat, and was thus only able to drink my money's worth. There were a bunch of performances, including my attempt at the hula...

Since it's freakin cold, I refused to wear anything but my nicest pair of pants and my nicest sweater, both of which are not very nice. So, perhaps because I was a raggedy-looking hula dancer, I was ushered backstage and shown a tiny green dress and told I could borrow it for my performance. HAH! One sway of the hip and people would be looking at my panties. I politely refused.

All night I was super nervous, but what calmed my nerves was the group that performed before me. I only got a backstage peek, but my site mate confirmed what I thought was a hallucination: they were doing an African dance. AND they painted their faces black. Omg, yeah, they did.

Thankfully the hula went smoothly. And I didn't have to paint my face brown.
I actually had a good time performing. My mind went blank the entire time. It really is a good feeling to be able to mentally kick back and let your mind perform for you. In that way, it's like playing tennis, which I haven't done in SIX MONTHS. That's the time it's been since I first arrived in China, since I last saw the ocean, since I last had my hair cut, since I last ate cheese, since I last pet my dog, since I last drove the truck, since I last used blogger freely, since I last was truly comfortable.

Tonight was fun, and it definitely was a distraction from the homesickness I assume I will have tomorrow, but the sentimentality attached to Christmas Eve is inescapable. There's no comparing a bubbly Chinese host who introduced my dance by asking me, in front of the 200 wealthiest Fuling residents, how the heck I can be American when I look Chinese, to a quiet evening at home, listening to Willie K sing "O Holy Night" and eating salmon with my parents. BUT that's not to say that I did not have a good time tonight. Truly, I did, even though I wish I was elsewhere.....

hula TONIGHT

2009-12-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

achk!
so nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

teaching/writing

2009-12-21T04:46:00.000-08:00

Shit.
I am teaching writing next semester, and now I must learn to both teach and write. Lauren Berlant has an interesting three-part blog post on this. I always find her both confusing and inspiring... hell, it's the very complexity of her thoughts that make my mind swoon.

I was watching myself type and I noticed that the skin between my fingers has gone raw. It really is too cold to be anywhere but in bed, yet I'm not quite ready to hibernate. I can't tear myself away from the computer (which I leave in the living room so that I don't waste entire nights on the Internet, assuming I'm wise enough to spend entire nights in bed). I've already exhausted Gmail, the Times, my regular blogs and Facebook. I need to snap out of it. There's plenty to do in bed, including my Chinese homework.

Lazy student, lazy teacher (I was counting on being able to recycle my Western Culture lectures).

leapfrogging

2009-12-20T16:18:00.000-08:00

An interesting article on globalization and development, inspired by the Climate Talks:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/20/weekinreview/20anand.html?ref=world
"For India and China, a Climate Clash With Their Own Destiny"
by Anan Giridharadas

On geopolitical issues like climate change, India and China are encouraged to balance their internal duties as developing countries with their external responsibilities as emerging giants. They are told to short-circuit history, to avoid tactics for growth that the West now sees as errors, to assume obligations that rich lands took on only when they became much wealthier.

At times, they resist this pressure. At times, they warm to it, as seen in China’s efforts to reassure the world that its ambitious nuclear-power-plant program meets sophisticated safety standards. And when they sell high-end technology or bid for the Olympics, India and China want their phase of history to be ignored. Then they want simply to “leapfrog.”

This pressure to get with the global program — whether delivered in climate talks or through the subtler cultural pressure of satellite television — can bring strange results. The leapfrogging dream can tempt countries to engage in kitsch development, to mimic modern ways without building structures to support them.

If getting with the global program means sacrificing growth for greenness, it involves similarly wrenching tradeoffs in other spheres. In developing countries, a new globalized (and essentially Western) vision of the parent-child relationship is coming, in which the purpose of each generation is to go its own way, leave ancestors to their devices, find one’s own truth.

But the idea can feel borrowed. It comes from places whose structures support it: places with nursing homes, social security, handicapped bathrooms. It arrives in places without that support. So the young agonize about their obligations to the old and the old languish, trapped between an old world that has gone and a new one that hasn’t set in. India’s leaders try to cope by criminalizing neglect of one’s parents.

I think my apartment is a good example. It's nice, modern, and brand spanking new. But it's already falling apart! The plumbing system isn't built to handle a Western-style bathtub and toilet. Why didn't they just give me a squatty potty? I'm sure part of the reason is because they were concerned about presenting a modern image to their modern volunteer.

feckless canopy activism

2009-12-19T17:48:00.000-08:00

Big efforts that failed - the campaign in the 1970s and 1980s against FGM and the missions by Westerners to Afghanistan with the lofty goal of empowering women - fell short because they were decreed by foreigners high up in the treetops. Local people were consulted only in a perfunctory manner. The impulse of Westerners to hold conferences and change laws has, on one issues after another, proved remarkably ineffective. As Mary Robinson, the former Irish president who later served as a terrific UN High Commissioner for Human Rights, has said: "Count up the results of fifty years of human rights mechanisms, thirty years of multi-billion-dollar development programs and endless high-level rhetoric, and the global impact is quite underwhelming. This is a failure of implementation on a scale which shames us all."

In contrast, look at some of the projects that have made a stunning difference: Tostan, Kashf, Grameen, the CARE project in Burundi, BRAC, the Self Employed Women's Association in India, Apne Aap. The common thread is that they are grassroots projects with local ownership, sometimes resembling social or religious movements more than traditional aid projects. Often they have been propelled by exceptionally bright and driven entrepreneurs who had encountered the "treetops" efforts and modified them to create far more effective bottom-up models. That is a crucial way froward for a new movement focusing on women in the developing world.

- Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, Half the Sky

half the sky

2009-12-19T04:49:00.000-08:00

We sometimes hear people voice doubts about opposition to sex trafficking, genital cutting, or honor killings because of their supposed inevitability. What can our good intentions achieve against thousands of years of tradition?

Our response is China. A century ago, China was arguably the worst place in the world to be born female. Foot-binding, child marriage, concubinage, and female infanticide were embedded in traditional Chinese culture....

So was it cultural imperialism for Westerners to criticize foot-binding and female infanticide? Perhaps. But it was also the right thing to do. If we believe firmly in certain values, such as the equality of all human beings regardless of color or gender, then we should not be afraid to stand up for them; it would be feckless to defer to slavery, torture, foot-binding, honor killings or genital cutting just because we believe in respecting other faiths and cultures. One lesson of China is that we need not accept that discrimination is an intractable element of any society. If culture were immutable, China would still be impoverished and Sheryl would be stumbling along on three-inch feet....

Communism after the 1949 revolution was brutal in China..., but its single most positive legacy was the emancipation of women. After taking power, Mao brought women into the workforce and the Central Committee of the Communist Party, and he used his political capital to abolish child marriage, prostitution, and concubinage. It was Mao who proclaimed: "Women hold up half the sky."

There were some setbacks for women with the death of ideology and the rise of a market economy in the 1980s, and Chinese women still face challenges....

All that said, no country has made as much progress in improving the status of women as China has. Over the past one hundred years, it has become - at least in the cities - one of the best places to grow up female...

- Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, Half the Sky

For the most part, I agree with their assessment of the status of women in China. Even in such a place as rural as where I am, women certainly do hold up half, if not more, of the sky. Here in Lidu, it seems as if most of the shops and restaurants are run by women, and most of the teachers, perhaps even the students, are female (of course, that could be due to the demographic imbalance, which points to women, perhaps coerced into, choosing to abort baby girls so their one child can be a boy, which then ultimately shows that not all of traditional sexism has been uprooted). Of course, gender issues remain, and many of my girls are obsessed with losing weight and some of my female colleagues get pressured into doing whatever they can to "catch a husband." Not much different from America.

But the progress made is obvious, and the lesson, at least for me, is also obvious.

Why should I be afraid of being called imperialistic and self-righteous, of shoving my beliefs down the throats of others, so long as I don't choke those I seek to help? Why should I be afraid of offending tradition? Why should I be so concerned about being politically correct when I believe, without a doubt, that gender violence and inequality is wrong?

To be continued...
:)

hula! :S

2009-12-18T07:07:00.001-08:00

Hah, it's 11pm on a Friday night and my feet are frozen and dirty, and my ankles are about ready to snap. Why? Because I spent all night trying to teach myself the hula. Why? Because I'm crazy, and because I don't know how to say 'no.'

Our department is taking Rach and me to a big Christmas party next Thursday at one of the hotels in Fuling. The cost: 400RMB per person. Yowwww. Thankfully, for us, it's free.

Ah, but nothing is ever really free, is it?
So Rach and I are being made to put on a performance. She's going to sing a Christmas song, and I, because of my fear of singing in public, chose to dance. HAH.

I suck at dancing, and have never in my life done the hula.
But thanks to some random video I found on the internet, I got half of Hanohano Lei Pikake down. Thankfully I'm far away enough from Hawaii ne to not have to worry about getting beaten up for making a mockery of the hula. I swear, I'm not doing it on purpose!

Changing cultures?

2009-12-16T22:21:00.000-08:00

In one rural Indian village, 62% of the women agreed that wives should be battered when they fail to obey their husbands, according to a poll cited in Half the Sky. Also in that book, authors Kristof and WuDunn acknowledge the role women play in the use of rape as a weapon of war in Sierra Leone.

Sexism is so deeply embedded in certain cultures that women often contribute to the plight of women. When it comes to gender violence, I wonder, does the West put too much emphasis on changing laws, rather than on changing cultures?

Laws, as well as the often teethless UN declarations and resolutions and blah blah, don't do shit for people who live outside of the capital cities of developing countries, away from international supervision, out of reach from laoshi West's yardstick.

I don't dispute the claim that local solutions are most sustainable, but what about the behemoth of local culture that takes offense at any sort of reform, labeling such change as cultural imperialism???

Can imperialism ever be a good thing, if it is used for a good cause?
As long as we have different understandings of "good," imperialism's negative connotations will stick. HOWEVER, I think ending gender violence is a good enough reason to step on a few toes, a good enough reason to attack the sexist part of cultures everywhere. Hegemony or not, call it what you want, I think it's vital that we woo the world into changing its culture of gender oppression.

This is where law can come in handy. If nothing else, let it be the starting point (NOT the ending point) for advocacy and cultural change.
http://www.womenthrive.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=366&Itemid=121
The International Violence Against Women Act:
- Introduced by Biden and Lugar in 2007, and re-introduced every year since
- If passed, the US will commit $175M a year in foreign aid to organizations working to prevent honor killings, bride burnings, genital cuttings, acid attacks, mass rapes, and domestic violence.
- It will also create an Office of Women's Global Initiatives in the State Department

**Taken from an IVAWA FAQs sheet:
Isn’t this the United States trying to impose its culture on other nations?
"The I-VAWA does not try to impose the cultural mores of the United States on other countries;
rather, it seeks to support the work of local indigenous women and communities who have long
been advocating for an end to the violence and abuse experienced by women and girls. In
addition, it recognizes that much of U.S. efforts to help countries address problems such as
HIV/AIDS, maternal mortality, poverty and conflict are aided by addressing violence against
women. In fact, these other efforts will only be successful if concurrent efforts to support
women’s education and empowerment are also taking place. "

So, perhaps it's a dangerous mistake to think that condemning gender violence is solely a Western cultural more.

St. Nicholas

2009-12-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

I thought all Nicholas Kristof did, aside from co-author Half the Sky, was post cool videos and trenchant blogs for the NYT.

Turns out he has one of the coolest ever biographies:
http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/nicholasdkristof/index.html?scp=1-spot&sq=nicholas%20kristof&st=cse

"Nicholas D. Kristof, a columnist for The Times since 2001, is a two-time Pulitzer Prize winner who writes op-ed columns that appear twice a week.

Mr. Kristof grew up on a sheep and cherry farm near Yamhill, Oregon. He graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Harvard College and then studied law at Oxford University on a Rhodes Scholarship, graduating with first class honors. He later studied Arabic in Cairo and Chinese in Taipei. While working in France after high school, he caught the travel bug and began backpacking around Africa and Asia during his student years, writing articles to cover his expenses. Mr. Kristof has lived on four continents, reported on six, and traveled to more than 140 countries, plus all 50 states, every Chinese province and every main Japanese island. He's also one of the very few Americans to be at least a two-time visitor to every member of the Axis of Evil. During his travels, he has had unpleasant experiences with malaria, mobs and an African airplane crash.

body language

2009-12-16T01:05:00.000-08:00

HO brah, I wen hit one home run in da teaching department today!

I taught my last Oral English lesson of the semester, and it happened to be my best lesson yet, as well as the one that Sandy, my laobanr from the Peace Corps, came to observe.

The topic: body language.
The message: NO BE SHAME fo talk to foreigners cuz your English stay good enuff. and even if you dunno how fo express yourself in words, just let your body talk fo you, cuz there's a good chance da foreigner will get da gist of what you trying fo say.

You see, the main problem my students have is not bad English, but a lack of confidence in their ability to communicate.

On days like today, I have trouble thinking of any job that trumps teaching.

=)

i wanna be an abolitionist!

2009-12-14T01:37:00.000-08:00

"...we journalists tend to be good at covering events that happen on a particular day, but we slip at covering events that happen every day - such as the quotidian cruelties inflicted on women and girls."

- Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide

I agree! My central beef with journalism, stated by my favorite NYT journalist and his wife. Who wants to read about the quotidian? Everyday cruelties will not sale papers.
Oh, and another pretty large flank: the layout editor who named my piece on the closing of Hilo's beloved bakery "O'Keefe's is Toast." They get to write the headlines, manipulate and hack articles to death, and watch as the journalists get chewed out by the readers.
So, good bye journalism, hello politics.

I wish I had read Half the Sky before attempting to fight human trafficking via the Word, before even knowing the Word. I just thought Christianity as an emancipatory tool was a novel idea (yup, I was a novel believer, yet I still do want to believe in the power of hope). Ahh, and I confess, I did really want to see Thailand! Surely, hope is a fine place to start, but I wonder how effective prayerful organizations like Garden of Hope and International Justice Mission will be if fundamental issues go unresolved.

If the collapse of communism and the rise of capitalism is the event that opened a space for these Asian sex markets to boom, then isn't capitalism and globalization the problem "aid" must first fix? Or does the problem run even deeper than that, with sexism? Or did capitalism create sexism? Or did religion?

Or is it more practical to actually do like GOH and IJM, and tons of other secular NGOs and IGOs, and start on the periphery - with raiding brothels and microfinancing "liberated" women?

To each his (and her) own, I say! In such instances, I really do think it's better to do something rather than nothing. Is it possible to further fuck up a situation that is this fucked up? I doubt it. Yet, we must be vigilant and learn from our mistakes.

Problems like sex trafficking, which in reality is a misnomer for slavery, are daunting and seem to lack a solution that's big enough. I already learned from that Thailand trip that Christian organizations are not my thing. Yet I worry that academia, my next pursuit, will be too focused on attacking the core. Can I fight on the ground and engage in theory, without compromising my actions and thoughts?

Cheers to hope:
"Women aren't the problem but the solution. The plight of girls is no more a problem than an opportunity."

for the aged

2009-12-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

Breakfast: Walnut Milk Power For the Aged

Rachel convinced me to buy it yesterday, and despite the fact that one package is $5 (a fortune for me), I splurged because the only calcium I've been consuming lately has been in the form of chocolate... really bad chocolate, mind you. Unless there's calcium in coffee creamer? I've been having a lot of that.

This walnut milk isn't so bad, and it'll give me an excuse to play old lady. I'm just a little worried about drinking any kind of milk formula. Think there's melamine or whatever in my mug? Hopefully I'll survive. After all, they really respect their elders here. I don't think even the promises of capitalism would make them fuck up an elder's digestive system. Maybe an infant's, but not old person's. Thank you, Confucius.

snake oil

2009-12-12T02:47:00.001-08:00

ymmm
haven't been this drunk since...??
thank you, aunty huang and site mate.
i suspect there was a dead snake lying at the bottom of this jiu vat. perhaps i will wake up with pretty skin? that's right, the best chinese alcohol is home to snakessssss. good for the spirit and the face.

dui ni de shenti HAO.

Smoker

2009-12-12T00:24:00.001-08:00

An invisible cigarette hangs
From the center of your frown
Infant moths, curled inside that cocoon,
Stirred by your chain of sighs,
Shed their morsel wings, filthy,
Unspoken ash.

The Lacuna

2009-12-11T17:47:00.000-08:00

Barbara Kingsolver's The Lacuna is my latest infatuation. It satisfied my desire to get to know Frida intimately... and to know if she and Trotsky really did oof. The book is in the comprised of diary entries, newspaper clippings and letters by writer Harrison Shephard, once plaster-mixer and cook for Diego and secretary to Trotsky, whose celebrated career was ruined by his supposed un-American activity.

Favorite lines:

"'Dumb kid, your are a writer. Cesar tried to get you fired for always writing in your notebooks, and Diego tried to make you stop, too. It killed me to see him try. Now these men want to make you an efficient secretary. But you keep writing about soft hearts and scandal. The question is, why do ou think you can't be a writer?'

'To be a writer, you need readers.'

'I'm no painter, then. Who ever looks at my dumb little pieces of shit?'"

-----
"It was a true conversation. About whether our ancestors had more important lives than we do. And how they've managed to trick us, if they did not. Frida felt it helped them not to put anything in writing. The people at Teotihuacan had no written language, according to Dr. Gamio. 'So we can't read their diaries,' she pointed out, 'or the angry letters they sent their unfaithful lovers. They died without telling us their complaints.'

She is right about that. No regrets or petty jealousies. Only stone gods and magnificent buildings. We only get to see their perfect architecture, not their imperfect lives. But it's a strange point to argue for an artist whose paintings are rants and confessions. Without regrest and jealousies, she would have blank canvas.

'You'd better burn all your paintings then, Frida. If you want people in the future to think you were heroic.'

She fingered her beads and knit her eyebrows. Raised her glass up to the light and rolled the red liquid around, studying it. 'I think an artist has to tell the truth,' she said finally. 'You have to use the craft very well and have a lot of discipline for it, but mostly to be a good artist you have to know something that's true. These kids who come to Diego wanting to learn, I'll tell you. They can paint a perfect tree, a perfect face, whatever you ask. But they don't know enough about life to fill a thimble. And that's what has to go in the painting. Otherwise, why look at it?'

'How does an artist learn enough about life to fill a thimble?'

'Soli, I'm going to tell you. He needs to rub his soul against life. Go work in a copper mine for a few months, or a shirt factory. Eat some terrible greasy tacos, just for the experience. Have sex with some Mexican boys.'"

----
(about the atomic bomb)
"For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of a cloud, the world was lost.
You blood for mine. If not these, then those. War is the supreme mathematics problem. It strains our skulls, yet we work out the sums, believing we have pressed the most monstrous quantities into a balanced equation."

-----
"Two words put together, curtain and iron, have worked alchemy on a kettle of tepid minds and anxious hearts. The power of words is awful, Frida. Sometimes I want to bury my typewriter in a box of quilts. The radio makes everything worse, because of the knack for amplifying dull sounds. Any two words spoken in haste might become law of the land. But you never know which two. You see why I won't talk to the newsmen.

smart power

2009-12-11T04:33:00.000-08:00

From "The Forgotten Front: Winning Hearts and Minds in Southeast Asia"
by Christopher Bond and Lewis Simons
Foreign Affairs

"In addition to helping provide young Muslims with a quality, secular education, the United States should be expanding the Peace Corps and other US civilian organizations operating in Muslim areas throughout Southeast Asia. Smart power would best be delivered by volunteers in sandals and sneakers who live, work, and teach among the people of the region, rather than by diplomats in wingtips or soldiers in combat boots. The State Department would do well to reduce the footprint of fortress-style embassies in capital cities and instead create more intimate consulates staffed by Americans fluent in local languages in smaller district towns. Although this would likely create new security risks, human contact at this level would go a long way toward draining the swamp that nourishes tomorrow's terrorists."

As a Peace Force cadet, my ultimate mission is to squash the young shoots of terrorism. Nevermind if I get frost bite from wearing sandals in this weather, I will drain that icy swamp, one bowl of Muslim noodles at a time. Toes are a small sacrifice, a minor security risk, as is Giardia and other parasites.

Tak Bai

2009-12-11T04:16:00.000-08:00

Holy shit.

From "The Forgotten Front: Winning Hearts and Minds in Southeast Asia"
by Christopher Bond and Lewis Simons
Foreign Affairs

Across the South China Sea, a strikingly similar situation is developing in the Muslim-majority Pattani section of Thailand. There, among Thailand's southern border with Muslim-dominated Malaysia, more than 3,500 Thai Muslims and Buddhists have slaughtered each other over the last five years.

Many stories of postcolonial ethnic conflict -- such as the bloodshed during the partition on India and Pakistan -- are well known. But the plight of the six million Thai Muslims, who have fought for independence for a century, has never received much attention in the West. While they watch their friends and relatives prosper on the Malaysian side of the border, the Muslims in Thailand live amid poverty and violence. Hardly a day passes without shootings, stabbings, and beheadings perpetrated by both sides. Schools, temples, and mosques are regularly bombed or burned down. It is, by any definition, a full-blown insurgency.

Although the Thai Muslim rebellion can be traced back to 1909, when Pattani was incorporated into Thailand, the most ercent tensions emerged on April 7, 2001. Shortly after the inauguration of then Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Sinawatra, three deadly coordinated bomb attacks struck a railway station, a hotel, and a gas plant in the south... [Thaksin] believed that he could snuff out unrest in the south with a burst of brutal force. But he was mistaken.

...Then, on October 25, in the sleepy border town of Tak Bai, some 2,000 residents, most of them young Muslim men, gathered outside the local police station for what was supposed to be a peaceful protest. Without warning, Thai troops shot seven demonstrators dead at point-blank range. The soldiers subsequently seized 1,300 men, stripped them to the waist, bound their hands behind their backs, and heaped them face down, five and six deep, in open army trucks. Then, for six hours, they casually drove the convoy around in circles in the harsh sun. By the end of the day, 78 of the bound men had died of asphyxiation.

Thaksin ordered the crackdown at Tak Bai. Like many Thai Buddhists, he ahd little interest in understanding the source of tensions in the Muslim south. And Thaksin only made a volatile situation worse by claiming on television that the Muslims in the truck died because they were weak from Ramadan fasting.

Winter fish

2009-12-10T16:04:00.000-08:00

At 3AM the socks came off
A pair of startled winter fish
Dove deeper into the fleece,
A pool of silence trembled,
Dreams fled through eardrums
And other chilled pipes,
Diluted by morning dew
Sullied by human dross.

"Obama, you won it, now earn it"

2009-12-10T15:50:00.000-08:00

Note: Mr. Obama, I <3 you, but you and your Norwegian prize make me sick.
Snippets from: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/11/world/europe/11prexy.html?_r=1&hp
"Accepting Peace Prize, Obama Evokes 'Just War'" by Jeff Zeleny

The Nobel chairman, Thorbjorn Jagland, opened the ceremony by explaining how the committee came to its decision two months ago. He said Mr. Obama’s leadership had been a “call to action for all of us.” As he invoked the story of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., the winner of the prize in 1964, he turned to Mr. Obama, saying, “Dr. King’s dream has come true.”

He said that others more deserved the award, noting his “accomplishments are slight,” but he accepted the prize by endorsing a strong view of American exceptionalism.

He added: “I do not bring with me today a definitive solution to the problems of war. What I do know is that meeting these challenges will require the same vision, hard work and persistence of those men and women who acted so boldly decades ago. And it will require us to think in new ways about the notions of just war and the imperatives of a just peace.”

In speaking to reporters about the criticism of his winning the award, he said the goal was not to win a popularity contest, but to “advance American interests, make ourselves a continuing force for good in the world — something that we have been for decades now.”

He added: “And If I’m successful in those tasks, then hopefully some of the criticism will subside, but that’s not really my concern. And if I’m not successful, then all the praise and the awards in the world won’t disguise that fact.”

math

2009-12-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

math is a foreign language
in this country,
where equality for all
is spoken in one voice

smile

2009-12-10T05:08:00.000-08:00

"When you smile, the flowers open and the stars come out to shine."

:)

jimmy eat this

2009-12-09T04:15:00.001-08:00

It's been years since I've listened to Jimmy Eat World, and wow, their poppy punk trash is music to my ears - this coming from a person who rocks out to S.H.E.'s "Superstar" and "Zhongguo Hua" every morning. I'm listening to "Futures" at the moment, and to tell you the truth, I'm not even bothering to figure out what the hell they're screaming. My thoughts about the Futures are all I can hear, which is probably what led me to throw a Jimmy party tonight.

Strange how we think we can control the future more than we can the present!
Yet I insist on tacking an "s" onto "future" because I KNOW that as much as I prepare, the next several years will be determined by a council of weary wizards. Poof. poof. poof. Options are a must.

Prepping for grad school is the one thing that keeps me Me, keeps me from integrating fully, from being the volunteer the Peace Corps wants me to be, from getting lost in Babara Kingsolver's Lacuna...

And it helps me cope with the fact that, well, I fucking miss school. I miss being a student.

Anyway, here is what I'm thinking:
I might as well retake the GRE.
I might as well aim for fluency in Mandarin, "aim" being the key word here.
I might as well apply to schools other than UH.

Time being the reason for the first two.
Curiosity of my own potential being the reason for all three.

The school I keep batting my Uchinanchu lashes at: University of Washington.
On the west coast (Seattle is home to the Blue Scholars, all of whom I plan to marry), beautiful campus, strong program, a bunch of law and gender-focused profs.... and even a prof who specializes in the politics of rural China (but who is currently on leave.. for how long???)
But OMG why do they accept so few, and fund even fewer? What is this, California???

Ack, the Jimmy party is over. Now JLO is on, thank you iTunes. "Love Don't Cost A Thing"? Hah, now that's a party for Berlant to crash - a sign I should shut the computer down. NOW.

The Futures can wait until tomorrow.

Rumour

2009-12-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

At once Rumour raced through Africa's great cities. Rumour is of all pests the swiftest. In her freedom of movement lies her power, and she gathers new strength from her going. She begins as a small and timorous creature; but then she grows till she towers into the air, and though she walks on the ground, she hides her head in the clouds. Men say that Earth, Mother of All, brought her to birth when provoked to anger against the gods; she is her last child, younger sister to Coeus and Enceladus. Rumour is fleet of foot, and swift are her wings; she is a vast, fearful monster, with a watchful eye miraculously set under every feather which grows on her, and for every one of them a tongue in a mouth which is loud of speech, an ear ever alert. By night she flies hissing through the dark in the space between earth and sky, and never droops her eyelids in contented sleep. In the daylight she keeps watch, sometimes perched on the roof-top of a house and sometimes on the tall towers of the palace. And she strikes dead throughout great cities, for she is as retentive of news which is false and wickd as she is ready to tell what is true.

- VIRGIL, The Aeneid
(102-103)

bibliophile special

2009-12-05T16:43:00.000-08:00

NYT Mag books special!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/06/books/review/McDonald-t.html?ref=review by Jennifer McDonald
on Graeme Gibson's THE BEDSIDE BOOK OF BEASTS: A Wildlife Miscellany

As he did four years ago in “The Bedside Book of Birds,” Gibson, the Canadian novelist (and longtime partner in birding and berry-picking to Margaret Atwood), has compiled poetry and myth, fairy tale and folklore, sacred texts and travelogues in an enchantingly illustrated volume that will awaken something primal in any human who dips into its pages. But this is far from a merely pretty survey of the animal kingdom. It is a book of raw spirit, a polemic against cold industrialization buttressed by Darwin, Forster, Murakami and Neruda, Audubon, Rubens and Leonardo, among many others.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/06/books/review/Baszile-t.html?_r=1&ref=review by Jennifer Baszile
On Deborah Willis' POSING BEAUTY: African American Images From the 1890s to the Present

"If a single thread unifies the images in this amazing collection, it is the subjects’ agency in the conception and presentation of their own beauty, which is itself a radical departure from the more familiar objectification of African-Americans in the nation’s collective visual memory."

defending the American

2009-12-05T03:39:00.000-08:00

I just got back from dinner with two of my students.
To be honest, I didn't even know who they were until one of them emailed me a couple of weeks ago. She wrote to say that she hoped I would be "happy everyday" and that she was having a difficult time studying for my midterm exam because she doesn't pay attention in class. She closed the email with: "I hope we can become very good friends!"

(Not the best way to make friends with your teacher, if you ask me!)

In an effort to overcome the tiny grudge I've secretly held against her since her electronic slight, I accepted her invitation to eat dinner with her and her friend. Of course, she turned out to be very sweet - and while not the best student, I can see how she could become a very good friend.

However, we did hit a rough spot tonight when she tried to tell me about the differences between Chinese and American restaurant cultures.

"When Chinese people go out to a restaurant, we usually try to get our own room so we can have privacy and no one will see us. But when you Americans go out to eat, you choose a table where everyone can see you."

I fired back with a fusillade of head shakes and a hearty, "NO! That's not true!"
If her English was a little better, and if anger hadn't had the effect of paralyzing my tongue, I might have asked if she had ever eaten at a restaurant in America, or at least have explained why I felt so insulted.

I criticize the American government so much in class that I worry what the Peace Corps would think if it knew, and there I was, getting all huffy puffy when she, a non-American, benignly attacks my country.

I hadn't realized how sensitive I was about America's reputation, especially the reputation of "the American people" - you know, those glorious human beings who don't honk their horns every two seconds when they drive? Those free-thinking individuals who, when they buy groceries or board buses, stand in orderly lines rather than push and shove and cut people off? Those wonderful people who don't leave wads of spit everywhere?

Its so easy to take things personally, especially when comparisons often come phrased with "our China" and "your America." And it's hard not to do it in reverse - to wrongly accuse ALL of China of having a honking, shoving and spitting problem.

Is this how nationalism is born?

acting the American

2009-12-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

I had an uncharacteristically good week. Not that my weeks usually suck, but I typically end the week with wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

This sugar high I've been on helped me get through the mad storm of extra-curricular activities (AIDS day, tutoring, a radio interview, office hours and TWO English corners). And it allowed me to play the American: to be stereotypically outgoing and shameless.

Perhaps I am guiltily trying to overcompensate for not looking like an American, but I also have enough of the narcissist in me that actually enjoys the attention. Don't get me wrong, I most certainly wouldn't enjoy this kind of attention in America... but in a land where I am anonymous, it is nice to be recognized as American. Or at least as different.

I wonder why I'm finding it important to be treated as important? Does my self-identity really depend so much on how others identify me?

Acoustic Separation; Sacred Shopping

2009-12-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

From Paul W. Kahn's Sacred Violence: Torture, Terror and Sovereignty

Sacrifice or murder?

A successful state knows how to maintain both law and sacrifice. It knows how to keep them acoustically separated and how to negotiate the line between the two. Most important, it knows who its enemies are. The perception of the enemy invokes the sacrificial imagination, which makes possible the double sided violence of killing and being killed. A government may have the legal power to declare war, but it has no similar declaratory power to create an enemy. Every act of identifying an enemy is fraught with risk, for if the populace fails to see that person or group as the enemy, it will see only murder, not sacrifice. True enemies can be sacrificed in a display of sovereign power, but it is certainly not the case that anyone who is sacrificed becomes the enemy. The possibility of failure is built into the very idea of acoustic separation - that which cannot tolerate contact may, in fact, come into contact. When the victim is not the enemy, his death becomes murder and the agent of that death is a murderer. (156)

On memorialization:

The primary space of memorialization in the United States is the Mall in Washington, DC. There we find juxtaposed the two narratives of the state. On the one hand, there are the memorials to sacrificial violence. On the other, there are the institutions of lawful governance, which are themselves linked to the Mall through the museums that produce a national project of advancing civilization. In one day, the visitor is to divide his time - usually his family's time, for this is an inter-generational project - among the Smithsonian the Vietnam and Lincoln memorials, and the Capitol. We learn that we are a nation that sacrifices for the maintenance of a community dedicated to the project of enlightened self-government under law. We are particular in our sacrifices and universal in our law. We memorialize past violence within a space from which we can simultaneously see the rule of law. We turn from the sacrificial past to the narrative of the present as the stabilized order of law. Thus, the Mall gives geographic representation to the double narrative; it provides anordered, bounded space for each, making possible an easy transition across these two domains. On the Mall, one cannot answer the question of which site best represents the nation. Rather, one absorbs them all, just as Congress, which presides on a hill overlooking this national bricolage, is to absorb them all, producing a law that is simultaneously an expression of the sovereign will and the progressive realization of reason." (159)

Emotional wreck!

2009-11-29T05:41:00.000-08:00

Phew, what an emotional weekend!
I cried more in one weekend than I have since.... since.. the day I said goodbye to my family at the airport.

The first time I cried was because I was wallowing in self pity. Side effect of Giardia?
The second time was when I showed "Miracle on 34th Street" to my class and suddenly realized how much I'm going to miss celebrating Christmas with my parents.
The third time was when I saw (via Skype) my entire extended family at their annual Thanksgiving luncheon, and learned that my cousin is pregnant and realized I couldn't celebrate with her in person.
The fourth time was when I Skyped with my parents today and they showed me the Christmas tree they bought, and I started to think how lonely they might feel on Christmas day opening gifts by themselves.
The fifth time was tonight when my students dazzled me with their performances at the host/hostess competition, and I realized how incredibly happy and proud I am to be their teacher.

Yeah, I need to get a grip.

Omg, I teared up after reading this.

get a grip, get a grip

Travel

2009-11-29T02:23:00.000-08:00

我和我的朋友二月去柬埔寨度假十天。我的朋友告诉我在那里玩得很开心。我等不及要去柬埔寨！
我觉得下次我待中国陆游。我家人告诉我一定要去北京，因为北京有很多名胜古迹，比如说长城和天安门广场。我要去北京的陆游胜地，但是北京太远，而且我不喜欢太大的都市。我觉得重庆太大，我不喜欢，但是我知道重庆的夜生活和购物是很有名的。

alive and kickin!

2009-11-29T02:20:00.001-08:00

I'm back! Yeaw, had a bad case of Giardia, but it seems like that little fucker has finally had enough of my intestines.

My students are sweet. I am up to my ears in fruit, and Jocelyn, who is also my tutor, just gave me an ear full on how I ought to take better care of myself. Honestly, I didn't eat shit on purpose! I don't even know how it happened...

agro-imperialism

2009-11-21T04:14:00.000-08:00

ahk, no time to finish reading this, so will hold it here before it disappears into cyber never-neverland. seems like a great article!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22land-t.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=magazine

obama zhuxi

2009-11-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

The Peace Force's Commander in Chief is so close, but so far away. Hey, Obama, float on down the Yangtze, won't ya?

Interesting comments on his brief visit:
http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/13/asian-readers-tell-us-what-obama-could-do-for-your-country/?hp

Dream Deferred

2009-11-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Unfinished

2009-11-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

Ah I am messy and I need a decent place to store good links.
I will post this here so that later on, when I eventually watch Showboat and The Life and Loves of a She-Devil, I will think of Berlant. But I betcha I'll end up searching high and low for this baby:
http://magazine.uchicago.edu/0878/investigations/sentimental_ed.shtml

I finially FINISHED The Female Complaint. Reading it was slow work, but for the past several weeks I enjoyed having it with my breakfast. I've always dismissed the romance genre as dumb and unworthy of serious critique, and yet, when the demands of the day are almost too much to bear, I like to unwind with movies like He's Just Not That Into You. I guess I always thought it would be anti-feminist to be publicly intimate with this intimate public. In a way, chick flicks, especially those that make allusions to or are adaptions of movies that were originally released before the "liberation" of women, make the feminist in me feel dirty, kind of like a porn-watching preacher. And yet, even porn-watching preachers can save souls.

Often, these citations [of sentimental classics] are not so deep: they are gestures toward the tradition of sentimental adaption that explain this time around why the great transformative and fulfilling love, the revolution without the trauma, must remain imaginable whether or not it is possible, discernible only in its smoldering remains.

But what remains is a resource, an unfinished event. Adaptations of sentimental realism are always about splitting and bargaining to stay in the scene of the fantasy of the better good life, as atrophied and confused as the manifest content of that fantasy can be. Possessing the object of desire matters les in these texts than does the re-experience of poteniality - the "tomorrow" in today where one works with what one has in order to survive. The delicate historicity of sentimental work provides pointers to the materials available for transformative opportunity. These scenarios are also archives of tactics for being undefeated, and indeed it is an attachment to this archive that also magnetizes the intimate public. To become not-someting is to unlearn a way of being, to see affective and emotional recalibration not only as possible but as desirable. in other words, in the view of the intimate public, there is no politics without the sentimental aperture/overture because that promise of emotional continuity can sustain people in the social amid the flux of change.

- Lauren Berlant

plagiarism

2009-11-12T06:48:00.000-08:00

Got English Cornered tonight. Holy moly, I really wish I could spend all of tomorrow in silence. But tomorrow's office hours is an indoor version of English Corner. Holy moly.

I am a not a monkey. I am not a monkey.

But I definitely am a fool.
I felt a kind of maternal pride after reading the first batch of midterm essays. Even in light of small grammatical errors, some of my students write beautifully and often surprise me with their prolific, poetic prose. But then I began to find essays containing the same beautiful lines.

Yeah, I was pissed. And yet, how could they cheat, much less plagiarize, on the essay section of an in-class exam?

I did some detective work and found out that nearly all of my students have been quoting or paraphrasing Mao's Little Red Book. Sure, some credit the man, but most don't bother, probably because his words come to them more naturally than their own - probably because their words are his words.

At the beginning of the semester, I swore to give them F's if I ever caught them plagiarizing.
But I've never been good at keeping promises, and this seems like a good one to break, though it certainly gives me no joy. After all, plagiarizing Mao is probably the safest thing a student could do here.

Maoism meets Obamaism

2009-11-11T21:11:00.000-08:00

A student's essay on the role of young people in today's world:

I think young people today play an important role in society. Mao Zedong once said: "Young people are the sun of eight or nine o'clock in the morning." Young people are important for our country's development and strength. The world belongs to the young people, even though young people know little, are small, and don't have much experience.

After last year's Wen Chun earthquake, young people tried their best to help the people and use their own ways to tell the world "yes, you can." Not only in China, but in other countries. Young people play a role that can't be ignored.

I always believe that young people are the new leaders of the world. Anyway, fact or theory, the young people play an important role in today's society.

"We are the flower and future of our country"

2009-11-11T05:45:00.000-08:00

A student's essay on discrimination:

Discrimination has existed from our life comes. No matter human being or animal, there is always discrimination. But discrimination by human beings is more serious. In ancient times, when our country was strong and had deep influence, we couldn't be discriminated. We were full of pride and other envied us. Then, when we were invaded by Japan and other countries, the more we experienced discrimination or were looked down upon. They called our Chinese "the patient of East Asia" and thought our "yellow skinned people" is inferior to "the white skinned people." This is race discrimination.

What's more, we had the glamorous and colorful culture in the past. We invented the compass, the ways to create paper and other two inventions. Then the western countries would learn from us. But when we are poor or weak, the other countries treated our culture as nothing.

So, to be the college students of China, we are the flower and future of our country. We must study harder and harder to calculate the experience and knowledge to make our country stronger. Just like in the past or even better. Only by building ourselves better, we can get rid of the discrimination.

20 years of Collapse

2009-11-09T05:02:00.000-08:00

20 Years of Collapse

By SLAVOJ ZIZEK

Published: November 9, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/09/opinion/09zizek.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

I wish I could read this excerpt to students whenever they ask me about what America thinks of China. Then instead of spinning something lame about how Americans are in awe of and perhaps even envious of China's economic growth, I could respond by saying, "Well, America is scared shitless, and for good reason:

A further twist is added by those countries in which Communists allowed the explosion of capitalism, while retaining political power: they seem to be more capitalist than the Western liberal capitalists themselves. In a crazy double reversal, capitalism won over Communism, but the price paid for this victory is that Communists are now beating capitalism in its own terrain.

This is why today’s China is so unsettling: capitalism has always seemed inextricably linked to democracy, and faced with the explosion of capitalism in the People’s Republic, many analysts still assume that political democracy will inevitably assert itself.

But what if this strain of authoritarian capitalism proves itself to be more efficient, more profitable, than our liberal capitalism? What if democracy is no longer the necessary and natural accompaniment of economic development, but its impediment?

I just wrote in Chad's little box what I was going to write here. I think Zizek nailed America's fear. It's true, impossible shit gets done here, and quickly too, thanks to big bad authoritarian capitalism. Consider Fengdu, for example. An entire city rebuilt because it's former self is now submerged as a result of the 3 Gorges Dam project. Nor will I ever forget the time Rach and I were escorted to our longdistance bus by Besty's army captain uncle. For the first time we were in Chengdu, I didn't have the urge to grumble about traffic. Betsy's uncle was like Moses, parting the Chengdu freeway. And for what? So we could catch a lousy bus!

If this isn't efficiency, I don't know what is.

But it seems like people here are always being told that their form of capitalism IS liberal, and that their form of government IS democratic. Aren't we in the west told the exact same things by the powers that be? So maybe capitalism is at the very least inextricably linked to the tale of democracy.

dress is always code

2009-11-08T15:41:00.000-08:00

Gender Gap = Generation Gap?

Can a Boy Wear a Skirt to School?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/08/fashion/08cross.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=fashion

Excerpts:

Dress code conflicts often reflect a generational divide, with students coming of age in a culture that is more accepting of ambiguity and difference than that of the adults who make the rules....

Dress is always code, particularly for teenagers eager to telegraph evolving identities. Each year, schools hope to quell disruption by prohibiting the latest styles that signify a gang affiliation, a sexual act or drug use.

But when officials want to discipline a student whose wardrobe expresses sexual orientation or gender variance, they must consider antidiscrimination policies, mental health factors, community standards and classroom distractions.....

When a principal asks a boy to leave his handbag at home, is the request an attempt to protect a student from harassment or harassment itself?...

“One day I heard a student say, ‘Man, there was a girl in the guy’s restroom, standing up using the urinal! What’s up with that?’ ” Mr. Grace recalled.

Bathrooms can be dangerous for transgender students. But the other student replied off-handedly, “That wasn’t a girl. That’s just Jack.”